I have had some things happen in my church that have saddened my heart. While I understand that churches are made up of humans just like me, some behaviors among leadership have raised my “be alert” senses. I ask for prayer to discern where I have unrealistic expectations. Some of these I would consider friends, and since I have put my guard up a bit and taken a step back, it seems like there are many in leadership that are treating me differently as if they know something about me that I don’t know, and I can’t figure out if I’m just being paranoid. I think one of my worst fears is to be someone who causes division in the local church and I long to talk with someone at church, but I’m really struggling with who to even trust with this conversation. I convince myself most days that I’m just being too sensitive and just drop it. But every time I do that, something will happen that makes me think, ok, something isn’t right here, but I don’t know what it is. something just feels off. I don’t know why I feel this way. I have been seeking God, reading my Bible, and doing everything I know to do, and something in my spirit feels uneasy. It’s a terrible feeling. My church is my refuge and I’m so scared to lose it. Thank you for your prayers. This is a new level of challenge for me. I know God is working in this, I can absolutely feel his presence. I just have no idea how to handle this well. And I don’t want to mess it up. I know delicate this is.
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