Please forgive me for killing myself

by Anonymous (Maryland)

Dear Lord,

I have failed You in every area. i am living my life under a curse. Although I have been a born again baptized believer for all of my life as far as I an remember, I have been disobedient to the Word, carnal and unable to receive the promise of truth.

The Bible says God does not make mistakes, but we do and He gives us free will. Problem is, I have taken my free will and ruined my life time after time aftr time.

I am defective and unable to do better. I have prayed and cried and have not heard an answer from You that is definitive. i have heard what I thought were answers when it seemed that you have given me the go-ahead in certain things.

Turns out they were all wrong. I am not a blessed soul. i wanted to be a Child of God with all of the earthly manifestations: the husband, the children, the career, the material and spiritual blessings.

being able to teach and preach in God’s house rather than to be ashamed to go to church because the Pastor always has something in his sermon about those that are not married or something to that effect.

I am so sorry Lord that I have failed you and have not heard your plan for my life. I have seen success manifested in others, but for me I don’t feel it is meant to be.

I will be 50 in a couple of weeks and I have not had opportunity to even work on a job for 3 complete years despite having my parents waste money on a 4 year college degree.

I am a failure at everything and it is time from me to stop following myself and bothering you with useless prayers that just hit the ceiling. So, Lord I am not going to bother You anymore.

If I die today, there will be no one who knows or will be affected anyway.

I wish it were different, but it’s not. I am sorry, please forgive me. I tried. Amen.

42 comments for “Please forgive me for killing myself”

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  1. I give up

    I have always seen maiself has a failure,but am giving up and telling God to please forgive and accept me in heaven……I plead for mercy

  2. I hate myself

    I have failed myself, my family and the Lord. I hope only that the Lord will forgive me for the sins I’ve committed on my short time on earth, I am forever grateful for what God has given me but am sad to admit inside my body I am unhappy, I love my mum more than words can explain and all of my family and I hope they know that. I regret every bad thing I have done and am so sorry for those I have caused upset to, I’m sorry jade for putting you threw a year and a half of unhappiness and I wish you had told me you hated me sooner then I could have come to tums with the fact that I hate myself too, to my mum I am forever grateful for every little thing she has ever done for me and I appreciate he more than anything and its not her fault I am unhappy it is my own. So I can only wish that God and my mother can forgive me I love the Lord like I love my family and hope to soon be with my dad, this isn’t a prayer or a ask for help this is to help my peace of mind. Amen

  3. I need to change

    I have prayed and prayed and tried to change for so long, practically all my life of 52 lost years. I have so much anger and bitterness inside. My upbringing was hard and there was no connection or help from my parents for spiritual or emotional needs and no real love. I feel like I am devoid of love. I have been in a loveless marriage for 26 years. A man I can’t connect to who drinks heavily and is antisocial. The worst thing is we have 2 kids over 18 who still live with us and we are ruining their lives as we fall apart more and more. Our marriage is dead , we can’t stand each other, yet we have these 2 kids. I want them to be able to have better lives, but it seems like they are under a curse ’cause of the way our family is. I wish they were already on their own so they’d be away from this terrible situation. I need forgiveness for a lot of things and it seems like I am cut off from God. I don’t know how to find Him.

  4. my life is a living hell

    My ,wife and I , have been married 16 years, she is on meth, we live in a small town vidor Texas, we been apart far a month, she has a boyfriend living with her and my two kids, they shot dope , I’m trying to put my head around everything, it’s hard, when I was younger I wanted to be a preacher, I have lost my faith in life, I give up ,

  5. I failed God and Life

    I am saved. Allthought at times I feel I am not since 1997. Have taught and preach the bible soul win try and help I have always wanted awfe and family but in over 50 years no one has loved me or every wanted me as a husband I faile God its time to Die



  7. i completely feel the same and dealing with the same OP

    this is exactly how i feel. word for word.

  8. what reason I have to live

    I have been hurt by others all my life. My mom treats me like I am a stranger. I have been molested. I have been abused physically, mentally, and emotionally, I have been misused and abused. I try so hard to be accepted by others. I treat people like I want to be treated. Only to find myself alone. I asked GOD why he let all these things happen to me ? I tried calling on GOD waiting for an answer. But nothing. So what reason do I have to live??

  9. Hahaha

    First things first, I wouldn’t ask God for forgiveness, I only ask my family to know that I love them, they never let me down, they taught me everything I know (besides giving up on life). I wanted to sever my people, I wanted to protect all of you from others trying to take our rights as a human being. I forgive everyone for hurting me in life, I hope you can forgive me, God is nothing to me when it comes to my everyday person. God was never there for me, people, humans where there for me. I am 1 person you won’t remember so I’ll accept the life I have received or gave. It truly is the only best way to just end it. If one of my brothers or sisters did what I’m doing now, I can only cry every day for how much I’ll miss them. How much pain they had in there hearts, how stupid they are for not just calling me to talk or to live. So if I asked God for forgiveness how could I ask my family to forgive me when they are the ones who care about me. So I’ll pull the trigger and will see what happens again.

  10. I am too

    I am also in the same boat as you….different circumstances. I am going to allow myself to die also. I have not even come close to what you have /had. I am accepted by noone at all….forgotten. I hear the same rhetoric about how God has a plan for me, that He does not make mistakes….its all just rhetoric to me because God wants winners…people who succeed. The church calls for it. I feel as you do……that everything I try falls apart…that initial burst of excitement that MAYBE JUST MAYBE I finally got it right! God makes no mistakes….but I make more than all of you in thought, word and deeds. I feel more at home when I fail than if I ever would succeed ( oh..and too all of you who wish to say AH HA….Jobs counselors only compounded the fact).
    There comes a time where you get very very very tired….many offer hope or instructions on what NOT to do…yet when you do THAT you still lose. Name for me ANYWHERE in the Bible where God accepted the defeat as a loss! He demands we win…….and rightfully so. You DONT put out your worst pitcher to complete a game when victory is at hand……I am that kind of pitcher.
    My family rejected me because I once stood for the truth…..but all they could see was HOW I stated it. Even when you become more gentle than a dove you still get rejected. NO….contrary to most of your beliefs there are people who will always ALWAYS FAIL….even Christ said ” the POOR will ALWAYS be among you”……ALWAYS! There will ALWAYS be those who continually fail and misery their true companion…..ALWAYS.
    I have determined how I will pass……where I will go to await its conclusion and how nobody will find me. I do NOT want to damage the Will of the Lord in any way….sometimes the roadblock must be removed….and I am doing that….at least it is with my final breath one thing I will have done right!

  11. I want to died

    Are you listening to me God? I’m so tired my body feels like a empty shell. My husband verbal told me, I gave grief for 28 years. We have not been intimate for 5 yrs. I feel so alone, even my children disrespect me. I feel dead inside, my mental illness has won. I feel if life for others would be better off w/o me. I’,m tired of all the medication seeing doctors, my husband quitting his job..No money to pay bills or food. I will loss my home Please God just 1 sign. Wow my password is blowup, that’s a certain sign

  12. I want to died

    Are you listening to me God? I’m so tired my body feels like a empty shell. My husband verbal told me, I gave grief for 28 years. We have not been intimate for 5 yrs. I feel so alone, even my children disrespect me. I feel dead inside, my mental illness has won. I feel if life for others would be better off w/o me. I’,m tired of all the medication seeing doctors, my husband quitting his job..No money to pay bills or food. I will loss my home Please God just 1 sign. Wow my password is blowup, that’s a certain sign

  13. Tough

    Not easy to kill yourself. You could end up a cripple with people suing you or you’re estate.. I have been through things
    That are unimaginable. It to risky to kill yourself.

  14. Tough

    Not easy to kill yourself. You could end up a cripple with people suing you or you’re estate.. I have been through things
    That are unimaginable. It to risky to kill yourself.

  15. God has a purpose for you.

    I believe in God and his love for us. May you find assurance and comfort in your dark times.

  16. My time is not God's time

    I am encouraged by your comments. I am still here. Stuff has not improved, but has gotten worse. Must be a reason that it’s all happening like this. I went to the hospital on February 8 to have a minor procedure done. Turned out to be a really major operation that left me incapacitated for over a month because there was a blockage that was suspected to be cancer. Because I was out of school longer than expected, I was withdrawn from the program. While I was out, my boyfriend passed away suddenly on March 1. We had not known each other long, but he was a wonderful person. I ran out of leave and money and had to go back to work Tuesday. I am still recovering internally because the surgery was extensive. I cannot pay rent this month. My family is unable to help because they are living with me because of financial hardship. I am drowning in debt, loneliness, uncertainty, sickness and sadness. But I thank God for His being so generous as to spare my life when I tried (unsuccesfully)to take it. His wisdom is unsearcheable. His ways are higher than my ways and His thoughts are higher than my thoughts. I have no idea what His plan is for my life. I cannot see the light. But I thank Him that He has sent you all as angels by to encourage me at a time when it is dark.

    I pray that I will be able to do the same for you one day.

  17. trust in the lord sister!

    I know what it’s like to feel hopeless about things,i even tried to commit suicide with a gun,i am glad i didn’t go through with it.Please keep asking the lord for help,i personally believe suicide is a one way ticket to hell.I have read just to many things about people that did that and came back to tell about it,that’s exactly where they went.i will be praying for you sister Godbless

  18. Maryland

    Dear Lord, In Jesus Name I thank you for sending this sweet child in Maryland all of the help that she needs. You would leave no child an orphan, thank you for sending her a mother and father figure to help her in this time of great need. I thank you and Praise you in Jesus Name!!

  19. You are Loved

    Through tears I want to tell you that you are loved. You are God’s child. You are loved.

    Be strong, I pray for you to have inner peace.

  20. pls dont give up

    I too have felt that why and there are still days i do.please don’t hurt yourself.god is with you even if you think he isn’ time things will workout but just keep the is so hard but you are not alone. I will keep you in my prayers

  21. resist the devil

    Tribulations haunt some of us more than others. Did you know that schizophrenics tend to have one thing in common. They are almost always concerned about GOD. What a coincidence. They want to know Jesus and His Love and His saving Grace and his healing power, but somehow their minds are tortured. That conveniently keeps them from the plan God has for their lives. Resist the devil and he will flee.

  22. Let Us be a Beacon for All

    To Debbie and everyone who agrees with your comments about the Ignorance in this world:

    Let us form a pact and for the next Seven Days pray for those who are in the dark and remain in the lower realms of ignorance.

    They remain ignorant because they are hurting. (Remember that ‘hurting people hurt people.’

    Let us please pray for them to find their way back to the light so that they, too, may have an opportunity to heal and become whole once again.

    Perhaps our prayers are all they have at this time. Let’s ask God to have mercy on them and bring their lives back into harmony.

    If, as Christians, we are to practice the fruits of the spirit–then Love, Patience Kindness and Gentleness are in order here.

    Remember that when Jesus was being crucified, he said, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”

    So let’s pray for the blind, lame and crippled as well. Thank you to everyone for your prayers towards world peace.

    Love and Peace to All

  23. Ignore the Village Idiots trying to harm you

    To the ignorant & arrogant people convincing others to do harm to themselves on this website – You’re out of control and apparently this is your way of seeking control over others, preying on people who are feeling helpless, you make me sick. You are not extending a hand to help, but rather just pushing people beyond the edge they stand on. Why would you do this? You could be causing someone to lose a loved with due to your ARROGANT remarks. You could be encouraging the people to seek help & guidance, which you should be seeking some serious counseling yourself as to why you get a kick out of hurting others. This is the bad thing about the internet – the village idiots have too much say nowadays!

  24. If you believe God loves you, why would you?

    There are people you know and even people you don’t know that care about you. It would break many hearts and cause endless suffering on others if you harm yourself. All of Heaven would be sad. By not allowing others to help you, you are denying yourself of happiness. You need to get counseling from a priest or psychologist. Priests have just as much training for counseling others as a psychologist. You need to see your family doctor to see if there are physical reasons causing depression. Please do not kill yourself. Know that there are thousands of people out there wanting to help you, but you have to take a step forward to let them know you. Much like being in a burning home, would you hide and not let a fireman know where you were? You take the first step in helping yourself and others will help carry you. You need to change things in your life, little things at a time. Start with small things that will help you feel better about yourself. Go to public places, like beautiful parks, museums, community events, take a night course, get out and meet others, find new friends. You might just be the answer to someone else’s prayers as well. Life can be full of disappointments, but don’t let them overwhelm you. Please rise above it. Find inspirational & motivating music, movies, etc. Free at the library. Don’t watch & listen to things that will make you more down. Also, please don’t view “sermons” as being aimed at you, they are all talks to advise how things in life can have damaging effects and how to heal or rise above it. Don’t prejudge the people at church, many are or were in bad situations and have turned to God as well. There is NO good in killing yourself, nothing good will come out of it…the devil will try hard to convince you, but don’t listen to him.

  25. I feel you

    There has been so many times that I thought that ending my life made so much since but then the devil will have won and even with all I have going job…illness…kids out of control..stress level high…marriage in trouble…im in tears typing this…i will be homeless come Monday but I still have faith that God will see me through..

  26. Why don't you Start all Over

    Dear Anonymous,

    Why don’t you just start all over. Begin by being your own best friend and stop beating yourself up. I am 48 years old and am now enjoying my life more than I ever have when I was much younger. I discovered why I was unhappy all of these years. My ‘soul’ was blocked and I was full of fear and living my life on auto pilot. It wasn’t until everything came crashing down around me that I awakened to my true purpose in life. I am currently on a spiritual journey and God is revealing my purpose to me on a daily basis. I am delighting in being of service to others and have never been happier volunteering and putting others’ needs before my own. God has a plan for you. Please read Jeremiah 29:11 and ask him to reveal his plans for your life. You are a light in this world and were meant to shine like a beacon for others. Perhaps your purpose is to counsel others who have lost their will to live because they are in the dark. Perhaps your purpose is to help them find their way back to the light. Please don’t give up on yourself…you are needed in this world…you have a purpose. Please ask the Holy Spirit to guide you and to reveal your purpose to you. I send you Light and Love.

  27. Do It!

    It’ll be so worth it. You can’t stand suffering so you might as well end it. It’s the only full-proof way.

  28. Oh Please don't do it!!!

    I must admit that I came to this page to see if my prayer was listed. As I ran down the page I saw your post and immediately clicked on it. After reading your post I have to say you are wrong for thinking that god hasn’t herd your prayers. As you can see so many people care about you that you shouldn’t feel alone. I don’t know your whole story but there is no reason on this earth cvor you to end your life. Please don’t give up. God has a plan for you and you will be fine.

    God bless


  29. Please don't make that choice

    I do not know your story, but I pray that you will consider making another choice. I have seen the mark that suicide leaves on this world, and no matter how worthless you might feel right now, you will leave behind unimaginable suffering for others. Maybe even more important is the fact that the only thing we know about feelings is that they will change. This too shall pass….PLEASE DON”T DO THIS!

  30. shake the devil off

    ask for strength and stay strong and think about people in a worse way than you and you will no you bless

  31. life will change

    stay strong and listen to god i am at hard times to but i made thew this year and i ask for a better year i had thougth of killing myself but i no god will send me to hell and i been to good 2 go there stay strong and ask for strength that’s how i made it i never had to borrow and at times i want to steal but god got big things for me and i will be here when he give it to me

  32. he is a on time god

    i no how you feel i have a disable child this is the most stress in life i have made it my rent been do and my son father had a wreck and we don’t get support any more and i go to bed at 7 to 10 nite a month i have to feed the kids first right everyday i no i can make and everyday i wish i couldn’t be here but the thing you have to ask for strength god will guide you i am stuggling and i need help i am doing this on my own i was adopt my real mom is a drunk my real dad has cancer and live in a hotel and my real brother stole my money just keep talking the jesus and he take time but he is a on time god he will he take care of you he have takin care of us just have faith and stay prayed up and full of the lord words stay strong i have to

  33. it will get better!

    weeping endures for a night but joy comes in the morning! No trouble last always. Ever new day brings with it a new opportunity, new hope, new chances, a new connections (look at me taking to you now). Give a new day a new chance. Watch God bring a fresh wave of inspiration into your life! Go out in da morning and watch the sunrise. God will arise in you with healing in his wings and a new outlook on life. Be blessed and rejoice in your new day!

  34. Don't give up!

    Only if you kill yourself will you be a failure. By commiting suicide you are telling god that he is not worth living for, that he created a failure, and that he is flawed. All sins can be forgiven in the most horrible ones. Nobody is a failure if they keep faith, trust in god, and live for him, life in not about what you want. Some of the most wonderful people have the hardest most tragic lives, but the one’s who never give up no matter what evil throws their way are the most beautiful in gods eyes.

  35. don't give up the battle is not your's it's the lord

    please don’t kill yourself. there is a reason for you going through what you are going through and if you give up now you will never know what that reason is. remember the sin is not in falling down but in not getting back up and giving up should not be an option becausse god truly loves you and no matter how many times you mess up just don’t give up.

  36. Do not kill yourself

    God put you on this planet for a reason. It is not your responsibility to take your life it is His
    keep trying,God will bless you in his own time not yours .

    I AM 55 YRS old i just quit drinking after 30 yrs, in spite all the prayers i sent to God to help me stop. I WILL PRAY FOR YOU


  37. Please pray that I die soon

    Im 22 yrs old, my life is a mess…..a complete mess…No friends not even one….My parents think im a disappointment…Its sad that I ruined their Life. I wish i never existed…I prayed to God to heal me and free me from this pain. But he never answered…may be He too thinks that Im Useless….Im sorry Lord, Im sorry mom and dad….Its time for me to end this…I dont know when im gonna kill myself…But it should do it within this month…I used to fear death but not anymore, i just want to free myself from this pain…

  38. Abishek


    If you kill yourself and not know Jesus, you will find yourself in hell forever where you can never sleep. Forever. Do not take the risk and get to know Jesus Christ instead.

  39. Abishek

    Do not kill yourself, it is not risk going to hell forever over.

    Get to know Jesus, and follow him so you can have eternal life.

  40. They say don't give up !

    They say don’t give up but do they know the pain I’m in the trouble I’ve gone through not easy it’s been a struggle more bad times and the good times there few – that my memory are vanishing with only nightmares of my bad times often keep me up unable to sleep. I have turned into somewhat of a reclusive person don’t go out don’t socialize some of it might be my fault some of it may be others that have inflicted the pain upon me my marriages Is strange were still together however very distant- to many bills just not enough faith left live is short at this point……

  41. I don't wanna hear bullshit

    No one can change my mind so please don’t try, I just want to know a good prayer to ask for forgiveness for what I’m about to do.

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