Healing and hope

by Cindy ()

I need prayers for hope, healing, strength and faith and forgiveness. For 4 years i was in an abusive relationship. I had been isolated, controlled, amd mentally and physically abused. In august of last year after recently fleeing the abusive relationship my ex the abuser followed me and a friend who was helping me move into my apartment one night after i got off work. My ex shot my friend multple times in front of me in the face and chest . I fought my ex for the gun unable to get it away. He eventually fled but before telling me that this was my fault. I ran to my friend to help him but there was nothing i could do except tell him i was sorry for what happened. I watched him taking his last breathes as we waited for help to arrive. Things i experianced and saw and went through before and during and after that night have completely shattered my life and crushed my soul. I lost my job 8 days later, i lost my car the night the murder happened because my ex took it. I have gotten another job that i love praise God. U am still trying to get another car. Life has been such a struggle for me since. I find myself feeling paralyzed unable to move at times and just crying. I often isolate myself out of fear of something else bad happening. I too often fall into that dark tunnel. Sometimes i feel as tho im locked inside a cage right in the middle. Where one side i can see the light and the other just darkness. So i cling to the light as much as i can but still feeling stuck in that cage right in the middle. I feel as tho i take 1 step forward and get pushed 15 back. I pray that God give me strength to continue to heal. I pray God gives me hope that soon this storm will pass. I pray to God that i can have complete faith that he has a plan and purpose for me. I pray that i will no longer be paralyzed at times crying out to God asking why. That i can just have faith even if i dont know the answer to the why? I pray that in these times of feeling hopeless God can calm me with the knowing that everything is going to be ok. That i will no longer ask the question why. I pray God forgive me for not always having 100% faith that hes got a plan. I pray God can help me forgive not only myself but those that have hurt me. I pray God will comfort me and i pray that i can just have faith in everything God is doing. I praise God that im alive and my kids are safe. I praise God for my Job and my family and that i still am able to work and have a home. I praise God that he walks with me not just in light but in dark times as well. I often times get so overwhelmed with depression, anxiety, nightmares, flashbacks and stresses of everyday. I get so very tired of feeling like im always having to fight so hard for everything. I get overwhelmed with fear of living so i often isolate myself. I avoid living and doing things i used to love. So i ask to please help me pray.

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