My God, my God, why have You forsaken me? I’ve been calling out to You for months and years now and yet my prayer has gone unheeded. The rifts in my family are still strong and are growing stronger. Everyone still has health problems, debt problems, and incredible amounts of stress.
I can only thank You that my niece’s life was saved just in time but her problems will still continue to affect her for the rest of her life. She has developmental delay, life-threatening allergic reactions to common things, and respiratory problems that strike suddenly and require immediate transportation to the ER. My father and mother suffer from injuries and health problems that twist their bones and muscles, cause frequent and painful muscle spasms, and have other health issues as well.
My sister’s ex-husband digs in his heels to avoid his financial responsibilities to his child. There are some people who have stolen money from us, a family who can not afford it, and/or refused to acknowledge/treat us as human beings worthy of respect and fellowship and dignity. My own health problems are still causing me to suffer and have forced me to take a year off from school.
My apathy, depression, and anxiety merely increase day by day and I have lost my ability to have hope and faith. I feel hopeless and lost and my only companion is despair and massive amounts of school loans. I have no passion and I have lost my zest for life and any positivity. I am not sure if I can go back to school because my apathy for everything is so great I have lost even the ability to “like” things related to a career or anything else let alone “love” them.
I am so so tired of being alone with no one to provide comfort or a willing ear to listen. My friends are too mired in their own problems when I try to confide in them about the physical and emotional abuse I suffered at the hands of my previous boyfriends that have caused PTSD, my current unemployment, the extreme discomfort of my current living situation, and my health problems. I am so tired of always giving everything I can until there is nothing left but never receiving anything for my kindness and hard work.
Sometimes I feel like a free mental health counselor and a hamster in a wheel… going and going but in the same place and so alone. I do not even know if writing this will help or if You hear me or if You even care. This is my last ditch effort my God. I am writing to You out of the last dregs of my Faith and the last shreds of my Heart and Soul if they are still even there. Please my God, if You are there and if You love me then HELP me and help my family. It’s a new year my God, 2013 A.D.
I ask that the pains and sufferings of previous years be wiped away and from now on it will be a fresh start full of Hope, Faith, Love, Joy, Wisdom, a Knowing for where and when to concentrate Efforts, and Success for Endeavors.