Broken hearted

by Isabella ()

I stay in a predominantly white neighborhood and I am biracial but I’ve been called colored and people call me black they won’t allow me to identify I took my sleeping medicine and accidentally left my water running the water dripped downstairs a person that works in the office banged on my door I screamed at me when she was inside my apartment I was talking to the police department while I was on the phone with the cops I didn’t call specifically on her I just called because I heard somebody banging and I didn’t know what was going on she screamed in my face like she was trying to get me to go off I didn’t respond I just told the cops on the phone that I was backing up when I open up the door to my apartment I made sure that I let the police know I said officer I’m opening up the door I’m giving this person access to my apartment well the person who works in the office lied to the director of the apartment complex that I stay at and she told them that I would not give her access to the apartment she lied on me and said that I was being negligent and I purposely left the water running and I didn’t stop it from running I’ve had to deal with several problems the person that works in the office where when I did ask her for help she twisted my words around and told the director a lie about something that I said about a resident she stated that I said that the resident was screaming and hollering at me a
In the laundry room and that director came in and pulled up the cameras and said that the person never messed with me and that’s not what I said this the other person when she lied about me the person who worked in the office lived above me she stomped above me she dropped stuff on the floor I had to be harassed by her when she stayed above me I got woke up out of my sleep around Christmas time I talked to another manager about what my concerns was I felt embarrassed because they sent a flyer around telling everybody don’t forget to turn your water off and I decided to make a formal complaint and because I complained outside the housing authority my lease is not renewed my lease is ending in July which is a month from now and the housing authority waited to a month before my lease ended to tell me that they’re not going to renew my lease and when my lease is up I have to be off of the property so I have a month to find another place to live and to have all of my stuff out of the apartment and the apartment cleaned up it’s not enough time to find a place. I was accused of being loud and disruptive and when I talk to my neighbors I apologized to them if I was too noisy they said they never hear me in my apartment. there was another resident who was becoming bothersome to me since I had come back from the hospital I was sick and I asked her for a little space so that I can manage my health care but she never left me alone. she kept harassing me and threatening to kill herself she said she failed God because I asked for space she knocked on my door two and three times a day she kept leaving notes under my door she called me 27 times until I blocked her number she cursed me out in my car and she cursed at me in the building. she followed me around the parking lot to my car she followed me to the trash can when I tried to talk to the office about it I was trying to avoid an argument so I tried to rush to the office and I was accused of having a threatening tone and I said I don’t have a threatening tone I was panicking because I was worried I didn’t want to have a argument with the resident and get into trouble.people in the past have argued with this resident and gotten into trouble and I still got the blame for everything that occurred with the resident so. I have to give up my home and the resident is allowed to stay here. I feel sad because I feel as though I have been treated differently since I came here even before I came here I had to talk to the attorney’s office about trying to submit an application through the housing department because they tried to tell me that I had a record they said it was two things that pulled up on my record they said I was arrested and I had a record and come to find out that I was never evicted or charged. through the courts and I I don’t have a record at all. so they said it was okay to stay here but ever since I’ve been here it seems as though there’s always been a problem with me there was another resident that was being racist towards me she was making racial comments towards me and I told her that I’m a biracial person and she pretended that she didn’t know that I was biracial and she asked me which family I was related to because there’s only five black families here and I felt offended that someone will go that far and I told her I’m biracial I don’t have a black family that’s here I have an interracial family and one part of my family doesn’t even come from the US but even after saying this the only person that they let allowed to identify as Hispanic was a woman named Carmen she looks Mexican but she said that she’s Puerto Rican. so I’m just asking for prayer because throughout this time I’ve tried to keep my mouth shut I tried not to argue I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve literally isolated myself I’ve had residents threaten me and scream at me I had a friend who said that I can cut her cat’s nails and her next door neighbor came over and started to screaming at me as if the cat belonged to her and she waved her hand in my face and almost hit me in my face I had to talk to the police department and I made a police report about it but I got the blame for the situation the management office asked me why was I even in the apartment I told them because I was invited. I have went through this several times since I been here at the housing authority I’ve tried to pray I tried to go to church I tried to read the Bible but I feel spiritually discouraged I feel sad and I feel alone because this is the one time that I bit my tongue and I did not argue with people and I was not disrespectful because I was scared because I am the only one that is my nationality here so the last thing I wanted to do was draw attention to myself. In the end I’m being asked to leave I feel hurt and I feel let down and I feel alone. there was something that a man told me he told me that Jesus was a white man’s God and sometimes I feel like I’m not good enough to serve God because I’m not as white as everyone else I’m not 100 and 1% white so I feel as though I’m less than. I don’t want to accuse God but I do want to be honest I feel hurt and I feel angry I have been watching what I said I didn’t want to blame God I just asked God if I could please not talk right now because my heart is broken I’ve been crying for about 2 days now because I’m trying to find somewhere else to live I feel terrified I feel scared and I feel very sad that this has happened. I mean I pray to God during the time that I had this experiences I haven’t lied about anything I said please Jesus help me through this. I tried to be honest and these people have lied their tails off and one woman actually goes to church after she lied that was a woman who screamed at me who works in the office now she goes to church and she still did not tell the truth about her screaming at me or what happened at night when I accidentally flooded my apartment a little bit was only in the bathroom. so I’m just left to try to figure it out on my own and I was in this situation before where I had someone attacked me and I chose to pray instead of attacking them back instead of me taking matters in my own hands I chose to make a police report and be the mature person I tried to walk away and they tried to kill me multiple times in my domestic violence situation I almost lost my life multiple times. I went to my church members for help they turned their backs on me they would not give me a refund for rent after lying to the cops and saying they would. they took advantage of me and I wound up in the psych hospital and I gave up my house I gave up my job I gave up everything I gave up my family and I was left with absolutely nothing and I watch these people walk away and it looked like they walked away Scott free they never went to jail for nothing that they did to me so I just left it alone. And here at the housing authority it looks like the same thing happened where every time I complained about this woman that worked in the office I kept getting sick in my apartment the last time I got sick I had a spike in blood sugar that was 700 and my mother doesn’t even have blood sugar my family doesn’t even have blood sugar it doesn’t even run in my family so this is the first time I’ve ever had it and it just came out of the blue. now before that the other times that I filed a complaint against a person that worked in the office I winded up getting an intestinal infection and I also got covid-19 and these are the exact times that I filed a complaint against the person in the office so I never accused her I never said that she did anything I just said I thought it was kind of weird that I kept getting sick at the same exact time she receive the complaint. So I feel sad I feel like I’m alone I feel like it doesn’t matter I feel like I don’t understand I feel hurt I feel smitten and I’m just trying to find something to help me to encourage me I’m trying to speak life into my situation but I feel discouraged and I feel like I don’t know what to do so I guess I’m just asking for prayer I feel so weak inside and out I’m sorry to say this but I do feel like I’m being heard by God I feel like I’m being punished by God or maybe God doesn’t care about me I feel like I was never his child in the first place but this is how I felt the first time and I don’t want to blame him or accuse him. I see people hurt me lie and just walk away.

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