In spite of all my blessings and favors … I am just so tired and every time I think things are going well and it will get easier for me to do all that needs to be done, another snag develops and it gets harder instead of easier..son fell from low bp after heart stents Aug 6..has been a nightmare..he is 67..spent week in ICU and 4 weeks in rehab then put in a long term nursing home at $7500 per month .and it was awful care..I brought him home..and am struggling with that…mostly ok..have help from home health , but a thearpist is now going to limit how much help he can get to none…….but other help to help me can only come from 3 to 6 @17 per hour and by that time nothing except bathing him needs doing. He has a pinched nerve in his neck and cannot use his left arm..he is now walking with a walker but wheel chair mostly…is depressed..we thought we had a miracle and it was not a pinched nerve in his neck which will require scary surgery..but the shoulder, then an orthopedist said was neck, did nerve evaulation and neurologist said wants another opinion that she is sure it is the shoulder separation and not the nerve and having trouble finding another orthopedist..won’t accept insurance medicare, etc..so it goes on and on..it has been this way from beginning..one step forward and two backward. I don’t mean to whine but I am just tired and Pollyanna feelings are hard to come by anymore. I had help coming at $17 per hour 3 hours a day, 3 days a week and the woman coming had someone in her family shot and could not work ..so they sent someone in the afternoon from 3 to 6 and by that time other than bathing him nothing needs to be done…I can’t leave home until weekend when another son will baby sit him..there is dozen of things that need done and it is slow progress..I spent 5 years caretaking his dad who died 2 years ago with covid … It is ok. I am just feeling sorry for myself and realize how much worse it could be and I am really grateful…just pray if prayers work at all or if christianity is as we think it is …never doubted until last few years…now may we just live and die like flowers..etc……scary when you are 93. My head and my mind. 🙂
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