Prayer for a Narcissistic Husband Who Needs God

by Mary (Arizona)

In a nutshell, my husband of more than 22 years — whom I love with all my heart — came back home after being away for 18 months. He had been having an emotional affair with a girl at his work 20 years younger, and our family was completely destroyed.

We have six children, and this was the absolute last thing anyone would have expected from him because he is known by everyone as a wonderful husband and father, a great person, easy-going, likeable, amiable, awesome. He has been addicted to porn since the age of 10 and has masturbated on (basically) a daily basis since we were together, although he has lied about both and deceived me in every conceivable way.

I am someone who believes in keeping my vows and being faithful as a wife to the promises I made, “in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad…” so I do not want to break up our family again now that we are back together and we have been “healing.” My problem now is that he has resumed emailing his former mistress despite the pain it causes me and the disrespect it demonstrates. His behavior is unacceptable, and he has heard it from everyone, but he feels no remorse. He doesn’t even apologize.

He says he’s just trying to be a friend to her, and she feeds into it by manipulating him and giving guilt trips about going back to his family, believe it or not. Truly, such selfishness from both of them. I keep praying and praying, and I believe God will show His great power in helping me, but it is so hard to bear this painful cross like this. Now, in the past few days, I have stumbled across the definition and descriptions of narcissism, and my husband fits them almost to a tee, always has but I never knew what was happening.

The only difference is that instead of an actual “rage,” he punishes in a passive-aggressive way so that his “Mr. Nice” personality stays intact, and the treatment is ultimately emotionally abusive. I feel used and exploited constantly, but he is so cunning and deceptive, pathological in his lies and manipulations, truly masterful, that I think I am losing my mind. It always feels like chaos and insanity when I try to wrap my head around his actions and then his “loving” ways to me.

It is so distorted and disordered and, I believe, truly sick. I think my husband is truly sick. And I know that Satan is attacking him through this obsession with his former mistress and everything that is going on. I would like to humbly ask for prayers for (1) my husband to have a complete and profound conversion of heart and mind so that he can believe in and love God more than anyone or anything, even himself, (2) any obstacles to this conversion, like mental illness or sin or addiction or obsession, to be removed forever, (3) that my husband will stop communicating with his mistress and stop nurturing his obsessive (stalker-like) behavior regarding her in a manner that is hurting our marriage and threatening the wellbeing of our family, and (4) that the Holy Spirit will shine the light of truth on everything and wash over all of us with His healing power, so that each of us and our family as a whole can be transformed and healed.

Thank you so much for your kindness in praying with me. I feel so discouraged and sad about this. My husband needs a miracle, and so does our family. Thank you.

7 comments for “Prayer for a Narcissistic Husband Who Needs God”

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  1. I understand

    I feel your pain, though my situation is a little different. You love them so much, you hang onto empty, broken promises made by a man. It is hard. Focus on God and His promises. Step back from the situation and let God deal with him. Sometimes God removes people from our lives to protect us. If God wants your husband in your life He will make a way. God can make a way when there seems to be no way. Focus on God and your relationship with Him. He knows what tomorrow holds and He has all of the answers, the right answers. Just give it all to Him and trust Him. It’s spiritual warfare and it’s demonic. We fight the devil the same way Jesus did, with the Word of God. We have to quit focusing on what we want and seek what God wants. We have to quit focusing on the problem and focus on the answer, God. Pray, pray, and pray some more. It’s a heart problem. It’s not a mental disorder. Read the story of King Saul. He was a narcissist. Remember God loves you and what someone else does is a reflection of what is in their heart and isn’t about you. I know how bad it hurts. You can not change another person. Not what they do, say, or think but God can. Prayer can change things. Remember in God’s way and His time, not ours. Keep your hope in God, He will never leave you nor forsake you. May the Lord bless you and keep you.

  2. He can't change?

    He can’t change? That’s not true. God can change anybody and anything. If your marriage was developed from a healthy state (he was not cheating on someone else to be with you and visa versa), then God takes favor upon it.
    The devil will try to destroy the family because it’s one of God’s favorite and strongest creations. Don’t let someone tell you that there is no hope. Abide in God. Keep your own self respect high (this is where it gets difficult).
    Go to your pastor and ask him to pray with you. He also may can send you to someone that has more knowledge on the subject. You NEED A TEAM PRAYING WITH YOU. Prayer can change his heart and you have to have faith that it will. His mind is unhealthy but you also promised for better or worse. Sickness and health. Don’t listen to the world when it tells you to give up. That is NOT what God intended.
    Persevere, have faith, pray for your own strength, keep hold of your worth (because the world, now, will tell you how weak you are for staying. Do NOT listen), never cease in prayer, find people who will stand behind you and your marriage and pray with you… Then abide in God’s promise. He hears every prayer and sees every tear. Abide girl.. He won’t fail you.

  3. narcissistic husband

    He the narcissistic will not change your prayers must be for your and your children protection and deliverance from him, please keep reading (online specially from people’s experiences) God bless you

  4. 7 children fell like I’m going crazy

    I have switched my focus from fighting with my husband to fighting in prayer. I don’t know how this will turn out but I know God will speak if I listen. The day my eyes were opened to what I was dealing with and all the deception was the most painful. Only now that I am switching my focus to God, am I finding peace.
    I pray I read and though I am so weak and get discouraged I remember to worry not but pray for everything and THANK GOD FOR ALL HE HAS DONE. Hold on to God with all your might. I will pray for u.
    I ask God to grab hold of my husband. I pray for his soul. I pray God prepares me for the day he uncovers his deception. I tell God heal our marriage because only u can and if u want me to leave shove me out.
    Gaurd ur heart against bitterness. This is a spiritual warfare. I have read a lot seeking answers.
    I know one thing God is the answer.
    What drives me is that I don’t want my children to grow up to be these type of men. I have to change ( become stronger in my relationship with God) myself by seeking God in prayer and having people agree with me in prayer my children’s souls are at risk.
    I pray God change me and your will be done
    Please pray for me also.

  5. You’re not alone

    Am so sorry to read your story. I have to say, you’re not alone. I have experienced some of this and I am in a recovery group with other wives who have experienced similar stories, too. Unfortunately, this is becoming common. Please look into “Married and Alone” by Doug Weiss. Fantastic Christian perspective and he offers a great path towards healing.
    Bless you.
    I am praying with you.

  6. Bind it in the name of Jesus

    God gives us the words in the Scriptures to fight any spirit that we come against. You need to plead the blood of Jesus over yourself and your kids and even your husband. You need to pray the armor of God over each and everyone of you every day.. it’s going to take a lot of praying and fasting to deliver your husband from that spirit. I’m going to take your family to prayer when I pray every night and I’m going to take your husband to prayer because I know in the name of Jesus he can be delivered and be the loving husband that he is meant to be… ask God to give you strength to get through this horrible storm your prayer can be the one thing that saves your husband from going to hell. Just know that he can be delivered and do not let anyone ever tell you he can’t because our God is so powerful and so amazing there’s nothing that he cannot do and he hears our cries he sees her heart and as long as you obey him he’s going to do miracles in your life hold onto that.

  7. I have felt that pain and even after divorce we have a business relationship He's still at it.

    We were only married 7 years but together for 10. No kids fortunately. I wouldn’t have been able to handle him as one of those children. He started out as the model boyfriend and husband. After about 4 years his entire personality changed and he was not longer the same person. He was on the dating sites and even going on dates. He was addicted to text messaging. He went into frequent periods of what I call remission when he would revert back to being that model husband. That would only last for about 3 months and he was right back at it again. We were living in NC and moved back to his home in FL. (house in his name only he owned prior to our marriage). Then 3 days after Christmas in 2018 he brought home divorce papers. He arranged a real quick divorce which from beginning to end took only one month. His reason for a divorce? He had to stop verbally abusing me and screaming at me. The divorce did stop that since we’re in a business relationship the abuse still continues. Gotta go.

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