In a nutshell, my husband of more than 22 years — whom I love with all my heart — came back home after being away for 18 months. He had been having an emotional affair with a girl at his work 20 years younger, and our family was completely destroyed.
We have six children, and this was the absolute last thing anyone would have expected from him because he is known by everyone as a wonderful husband and father, a great person, easy-going, likeable, amiable, awesome. He has been addicted to porn since the age of 10 and has masturbated on (basically) a daily basis since we were together, although he has lied about both and deceived me in every conceivable way.
I am someone who believes in keeping my vows and being faithful as a wife to the promises I made, “in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad…” so I do not want to break up our family again now that we are back together and we have been “healing.” My problem now is that he has resumed emailing his former mistress despite the pain it causes me and the disrespect it demonstrates. His behavior is unacceptable, and he has heard it from everyone, but he feels no remorse. He doesn’t even apologize.
He says he’s just trying to be a friend to her, and she feeds into it by manipulating him and giving guilt trips about going back to his family, believe it or not. Truly, such selfishness from both of them. I keep praying and praying, and I believe God will show His great power in helping me, but it is so hard to bear this painful cross like this. Now, in the past few days, I have stumbled across the definition and descriptions of narcissism, and my husband fits them almost to a tee, always has but I never knew what was happening.
The only difference is that instead of an actual “rage,” he punishes in a passive-aggressive way so that his “Mr. Nice” personality stays intact, and the treatment is ultimately emotionally abusive. I feel used and exploited constantly, but he is so cunning and deceptive, pathological in his lies and manipulations, truly masterful, that I think I am losing my mind. It always feels like chaos and insanity when I try to wrap my head around his actions and then his “loving” ways to me.
It is so distorted and disordered and, I believe, truly sick. I think my husband is truly sick. And I know that Satan is attacking him through this obsession with his former mistress and everything that is going on. I would like to humbly ask for prayers for (1) my husband to have a complete and profound conversion of heart and mind so that he can believe in and love God more than anyone or anything, even himself, (2) any obstacles to this conversion, like mental illness or sin or addiction or obsession, to be removed forever, (3) that my husband will stop communicating with his mistress and stop nurturing his obsessive (stalker-like) behavior regarding her in a manner that is hurting our marriage and threatening the wellbeing of our family, and (4) that the Holy Spirit will shine the light of truth on everything and wash over all of us with His healing power, so that each of us and our family as a whole can be transformed and healed.
Thank you so much for your kindness in praying with me. I feel so discouraged and sad about this. My husband needs a miracle, and so does our family. Thank you.
I feel your pain, though my situation is a little different. You love them so much, you hang onto empty, broken promises made by a man. It is hard. Focus on God and His promises. Step back from the situation and let God deal with him. Sometimes God removes people from our lives to protect us. If God wants your husband in your life He will make a way. God can make a way when there seems to be no way. Focus on God and your relationship with Him. He knows what tomorrow holds and He has all of the answers, the right answers. Just give it all to Him and trust Him. It’s spiritual warfare and it’s demonic. We fight the devil the same way Jesus did, with the Word of God. We have to quit focusing on what we want and seek what God wants. We have to quit focusing on the problem and focus on the answer, God. Pray, pray, and pray some more. It’s a heart problem. It’s not a mental disorder. Read the story of King Saul. He was a narcissist. Remember God loves you and what someone else does is a reflection of what is in their heart and isn’t about you. I know how bad it hurts. You can not change another person. Not what they do, say, or think but God can. Prayer can change things. Remember in God’s way and His time, not ours. Keep your hope in God, He will never leave you nor forsake you. May the Lord bless you and keep you.
He can’t change? That’s not true. God can change anybody and anything. If your marriage was developed from a healthy state (he was not cheating on someone else to be with you and visa versa), then God takes favor upon it.
The devil will try to destroy the family because it’s one of God’s favorite and strongest creations. Don’t let someone tell you that there is no hope. Abide in God. Keep your own self respect high (this is where it gets difficult).
Go to your pastor and ask him to pray with you. He also may can send you to someone that has more knowledge on the subject. You NEED A TEAM PRAYING WITH YOU. Prayer can change his heart and you have to have faith that it will. His mind is unhealthy but you also promised for better or worse. Sickness and health. Don’t listen to the world when it tells you to give up. That is NOT what God intended.
Persevere, have faith, pray for your own strength, keep hold of your worth (because the world, now, will tell you how weak you are for staying. Do NOT listen), never cease in prayer, find people who will stand behind you and your marriage and pray with you… Then abide in God’s promise. He hears every prayer and sees every tear. Abide girl.. He won’t fail you.
He the narcissistic will not change your prayers must be for your and your children protection and deliverance from him, please keep reading (online specially from people’s experiences) God bless you
I have switched my focus from fighting with my husband to fighting in prayer. I don’t know how this will turn out but I know God will speak if I listen. The day my eyes were opened to what I was dealing with and all the deception was the most painful. Only now that I am switching my focus to God, am I finding peace.
I pray I read and though I am so weak and get discouraged I remember to worry not but pray for everything and THANK GOD FOR ALL HE HAS DONE. Hold on to God with all your might. I will pray for u.
I ask God to grab hold of my husband. I pray for his soul. I pray God prepares me for the day he uncovers his deception. I tell God heal our marriage because only u can and if u want me to leave shove me out.
Gaurd ur heart against bitterness. This is a spiritual warfare. I have read a lot seeking answers.
I know one thing God is the answer.
What drives me is that I don’t want my children to grow up to be these type of men. I have to change ( become stronger in my relationship with God) myself by seeking God in prayer and having people agree with me in prayer my children’s souls are at risk.
I pray God change me and your will be done
Please pray for me also.
Am so sorry to read your story. I have to say, you’re not alone. I have experienced some of this and I am in a recovery group with other wives who have experienced similar stories, too. Unfortunately, this is becoming common. Please look into “Married and Alone” by Doug Weiss. Fantastic Christian perspective and he offers a great path towards healing.
Bless you.
I am praying with you.
Diana
God gives us the words in the Scriptures to fight any spirit that we come against. You need to plead the blood of Jesus over yourself and your kids and even your husband. You need to pray the armor of God over each and everyone of you every day.. it’s going to take a lot of praying and fasting to deliver your husband from that spirit. I’m going to take your family to prayer when I pray every night and I’m going to take your husband to prayer because I know in the name of Jesus he can be delivered and be the loving husband that he is meant to be… ask God to give you strength to get through this horrible storm your prayer can be the one thing that saves your husband from going to hell. Just know that he can be delivered and do not let anyone ever tell you he can’t because our God is so powerful and so amazing there’s nothing that he cannot do and he hears our cries he sees her heart and as long as you obey him he’s going to do miracles in your life hold onto that.
We were only married 7 years but together for 10. No kids fortunately. I wouldn’t have been able to handle him as one of those children. He started out as the model boyfriend and husband. After about 4 years his entire personality changed and he was not longer the same person. He was on the dating sites and even going on dates. He was addicted to text messaging. He went into frequent periods of what I call remission when he would revert back to being that model husband. That would only last for about 3 months and he was right back at it again. We were living in NC and moved back to his home in FL. (house in his name only he owned prior to our marriage). Then 3 days after Christmas in 2018 he brought home divorce papers. He arranged a real quick divorce which from beginning to end took only one month. His reason for a divorce? He had to stop verbally abusing me and screaming at me. The divorce did stop that since we’re in a business relationship the abuse still continues. Gotta go.
I ask for intercessory prayerfor my husband for the deliverance of the Narcistic Jezebel Spirit that got hold of my husbands beautiful heart and mind and spirit. Father God, I come to you in the name of Jesus Christ. I ask that you will deliver my husband Dave from the horrid Jezebel spirit. Fill him with Your Spirit Father God that there will be no more space for Jezebel and the Narcistic spirit to infiltrate his mind, heart and soul and spirit. Fill him up with You Father God. Its all about Jesus
I am praying for ALL the women here & beyond. Please pray for my very young children & husband- that they ALL including he be totally and fully delivered and healed IN YESHUA’S ALMIGHTY NAME THANK YOU FATHER!!!!!!!
You all have told ‘my’ story… So for all of us in the name of Jesus, and because of the blood of the lamb I claim all of these men for Jesus… I bind the narcissistic spirit and cast him into the sea never to return. And bar any other demonic spirit to enter these men. I pray that the Holy Spirit will do his work in each of them and they will be filled to overflowing with God’s love for their families. Again I pray this in Jesus name and give God all the praise and glory for what he is doing today. Thank you Jesus…
I spent the last 20 years of my life raising children on my own dealing with multiple women, praying and crying and trying to fix myself and our situation. But truth of the matter is your husband is a narcissist and it is a mental condition that he himself cannot see, therefore he cannot fix. It will be a cycle that you will repeat over and over. The only way to combat is for him to see it, and most likely you cannot be next to him when you’re trying to reveal it. He only cares about what he gets and how much he’s getting. Narcissist need the attention. He is incapable of empathy and it will take many more years of your life and feeling miserable. If you don’t do it for yourself do it for your children. It is setting such a horrible example for what relationships are supposed to look like. The damage you do to your children cannot be undone easily. I pray that you find peace and strength. There are several amazing books on Audible and I recommend reading them immediately. You should do a search on Audible for the book, When Love Is A Lie and then read Healing from a narcissist. When I think about all the years that I’ve spent trying to figure him out, please him, make myself into what he needed oh, it makes me sick to my stomach. All the countless nights of not knowing and wondering what I could do. Please find help. This cannot be done alone.
I am married to a narcissist. It’s been 13 years. It’s been the most painful and confusing experience I’ve ever had.
He has had affairs (sex addict), has coveted money, spending on lavish trips for himself without me, trying to hide money through all forms of llc’s, and treated me cruelly when I wanted anything for myself.
He has bought 3 new cars, I am still driving a used car we bought with both of our “own” money, yesterday he became extremely angry when I asked him if it’s okay to fund my health insurance account and take a trip with a girlfriend for her birthday. He accused me of doing exactly what he’s been doing (gaslighting) and when I started to cry he accused me of trying to manipulate him. I have been so depressed that I’ve wanted to die. The mental warfare he uses has almost destroyed me. I have turned to God for love and guidance.
I don’t want a divorce. I believe that God loves me and he doesn’t want me to die this way. God created me to express the joy of his gift – life! Living with a man who cheats in love, finances and lies to himself and everyone around him (he likes to tell everyone how much he loves me and has stuck with me through my depression and insecurities – narcissistic smearing) is not how God intended ANYONE to live this beautiful life.
I believe God has kept me alive and protected me during this relationship. It’s the only way I can explain I am still breathing because my self esteem was so devastated by living with this man.
It has taken me two years to realize of how possessed he is with this sickness and how my past allowed me to be attracted to him. I believe God is healing me. The more I heal, the angrier my husband becomes. I may be in the “lions’ den” right now, but God protects me. When doors were opened, Daniel walked out.
My mind has been opened. I am leaving to live the life God has given me. Whether we divorce is yet to be revealed. God will guide me. He has always been there. Even when I angrily shouted out to Him, questioned Him and wanted to die. I am still alive. The Holy Spirit is guiding me. I have hope today. I have life.
God bless all of the women who experience the fallout of this sickness. It is definitely a cruel, baffling and crazy-making disease.
God has saved me again. Praise be to God. The most high. The only true God. Thanks to Jesus Christ our Saviour who showed us the love God has for us and prays for us unceasingly. I don’t remember Jesus saving anyone who didn’t want to be saved. This is the hurdle of narcissists. I pray for God’s mercy on them all. My husband included.
Amen
Hello, I can identify with this. My husband is a narcissist. It is so bad. I can see him hitting rock bottom, which God told me to let him go so that He can deal with him. I need agreement in prayer to see the spiritual demonic influence instead of taking it personal and becoming bitter. We have been separated since January this year. He comes around and plays with my emotions and promises we willl talk then instantly stop
talking to me if I ask him any questions that he does not want to address. He will communicate by text but not verbally on the phone or in person. I just believe God can and will do the impossible. God is a healer and deliverer. He was abandoned by his mom shortly after birth and I tend to believe that the root of his illness is abandonment and rejection. I will pray for you all as you pray for me.
May God keep keep each of of and strengthen us with joy and peace as we stay on the battlefield and fight the good fight of faith. In Jesus Name…amen
I am believing and trusting that GOD will fix all the broken places in my husband as well as your husbands. I need someone to pray in agreement with me for his soul. I believe that he wants to be healed down inside his soul. His parents abandoned him at the age of three. They left him in a house alone and returned back to their drug addiction. He then was taken in by his grandparents who at the time were already too old to raise any other children so he ended up with an aunt who is a narcissist. So the abuse that was given by his narc he is giving. The constant yo-yo affect that she gave of you’re just a check to me to glorifying his accomplishments back to I’ll send you back to where you came from. Once she threw him out of her home she tricked him into signing over his inheritance and constantly for years of our marriage hung it over his head to make him feel like he needed her.
What she has done to him I have experienced since we’ve been married. On and off. He literally just told my cousin that he wants to live right and be a great example of what a man should be for his sons and especially his daughter. As soon as he spoke those words out of his mouth the test came for him to show he was ready to change his ways and needless to say ihe didn’t pass. He did the opposite which usually happens and then repeat. I believe he needed to hit the bottom in order for GOD to be able to heal him or get him on the right path.
As I type this I am fasting and praying for my husbands soul as he sits in jail. I believe that he is in a place with no other distractions so GOD can meet him there. I have been praying and fasting since he has been gone and I just want someone to touch and agree with me for him to be healed and hear GOD in the midst of his anger and brokenness. I bind up the negative speak, the negative thoughts, the plots for revenge, the hurt, the pain, the bitterness that tries to come up, I bind up anything that Satan is trying to use to make my husband believe his behavior in the past up until Sunday is ok. I pray for strength for myself to be what is necessary for this healing process. I pray for protection over my children to not be scarred from the picture of married that has been portrayed in front of them. I pray for complete healing and turn around for my husband and our marriage. It is so done in Jesus’ name.
I am praying for all of us who love thise who hate and trample the God given love we have in our hearts for them. I believe the Lord suffers when He too has His love trampled by those He seeks to embrace. We are not alone. We share in that experience with Jesus.
Please pray for Gods will to be done in my relationship with the man I love and have prayed over for 30 years to be free from pride, fear and addiction and to know the salvation of the Lord.
Please pray for me to walk through the pain without giving into despair, in Jesus name. Thank you, God bless you.
Thank you to all the women who share their stories, and I have just come to the place where I realized the man I have loved for many years is a narcissist. This information would have been so helpful back in 97 or 98, and I believe that God has spoken to my heart about this man and we have had a complicated relationship, which included in engagement. He constantly manipulates me and uses silence as a weapon when I do anything that displeases him. And as others have noted, he then turns the blame around on me and constantly puts me down. He even said that I was verbally abusive for calling him verbally abusive, which is circular reasoning and provides a wall wherein no one could ever call out his crime.
In 2001, this man was very close to Christ and he was able to apologize and take responsibility for hurting me. I did not speak with him for many years, but our lives came back together in 2017. It breaks my heart that the other man appears to be gone forever, but some of these stories have helped me. I also believe the answer is through fasting and prayer and praying that he would be delivered from the narcissistic spirit. I also have to guard against bitterness in my own heart toward him. Currently, we are not speaking at all, and I believe that God wants me out of his life as God continues to do a work there. God bless everyone, and it’s so hard to have someone you love so close, yet so far away because of this monster that has overtaken his personality.
As I read all of these sweet women’s words , I am reeling in their stories. I am right there in all of the gas-lighting, lies, gregariousness, ego maniac, no empathy, rage when you try to confront them, blame, no accountability….. I barely have the strength to pray and get thru my day. The last straw was a huge fight where he just unleashed on me with profanities, accusations, lies…… yall know what I am talking about. I need your prayer. I need lifting up and to know what my next step is. We have an 18 year old severely autistic son and I don’t work outside of the home. I have no money of my own to be able to move out. If I did I would have been gone a long time ago! My husband is blinded and deafened to this horrid demonic spirit, and I am praying for healing, restoration, revelation, a Saul to Paul rebirth for him! Lord help me and all of these precious women who are weary and tired! Enough of this narcissistic spirit!! It’s time for healing!!!
I have no idea if the Lord has resolved this already, but you should have separated the first time you figured out he was unfaithful. Keep your children safe, and God strengthen you to do it. On a side note, Jesus is the only true Master, and He can forgive your husband after God brings you out of his sadistic grip. Be free, woman.
I have been married to a narcissist for 31 years. All these years have been so chaotic and confusing, that I feel I have had no life at all sometimes. Our four children are all young adults, and so far seem blind to their dad’s abuses. This has been confusing for me, in that he meets all rhw criteria of a narcissist. His mother is a narcissist as well. He recognizes her sick behavior, but doesn’t look at his own. In recent years I have had breast cancer His stress from.the medical bills has made his personality disorder more cruel. He has Hashimotos , which is an autoimmune disease of thw thyroid. If he isn’t blaming me for hia behaviors, he now has a diagnosis to point to . He believes I am “killing” him, if I want to talk about his inappropriate rage over something, or mention that his cruelty is hurtful .
I have very little money of my own, and have fibromyalgia. I have a lot of guilt over not protecting my kids more from his name calling etc. I am afraid they are like him, or like me and will marry someone like him. I have prayed for so many years. He geta worse instead of better. I am ver lonely, and since he moves us for jobs to pay ” all my medical bills”, I am isolated.
You have to ask yourself why you ‘love’ a man that you cause so much hurt and destruction and then you have to ask yourself what your definition of love is. Then, you have to get safe from him…whatever that means to you. With my narcissistic husband, i filed for a separation and recieved a court order to keep the house and have him pay support since he made well into the six figure range and i had left professional employment at his urging to be home with our children. I also made it very clear that I was devoted to our marriage and to getting well and would wait for him as long as I needed to. He hated the fact that his hands were now tied from abusing me. He threatened constantly that he would cheat on me. I reassured him over and over that I was praying for us and wanted him to get well. He ultimately did cheat and filed for divorce. After that, he asked me back. This was all a sick game…these are extremely sick and oppressed people. Dont ride the roller coaster with him…get safe, get well and pray for your own emotional health. You have to ask yourself, are you with him because you love him or because you have been so abused that you cannot breathe without him…they are masters at creating a dependent weak state in their victims. And, we are their victims…they never loved us because they are not capable of love. You need prayer, you need support, you need to be loved…not him. Yes, God is amazing and powerful and can change any situation but Christians need to start focusing on themselves and not on others so much…you focus on you and let God deal with him however He chooses to deal with him. Many prayers and blessings to you..stay strong, keep the faith, keep your eyes on your walk with God and let him fall into the hands of the living God.
I’ve been in an abusive marriage for 6 years now. After the 2nd year I knew he was a narcissist but he has taken me so low at points, twisted my mind, to make me think I was the narcissist- and I believed it. He has accused me of being a witch, has cheated on me countless times, and his disorder is destroying our business. I have 3 young children, no savings, and I’ve moved across the world to be with him- severing many family relationships and losing friends. I believe he has a demonic spirit and I believe he has many childhood issues unresolved. He’s a good man, he has provided well for us, but I am falling out of love with the monster he becomes. He is also highly intelligent so he is a master at shifting blame and gaslighting. For the sake of my children I ask God to configure me in a way that will get hi. To self reflect and change. I pray for patience and strength, I pray for wisdom and discernment, i pray for a forgiving and loyal spirit.i pray for peace in my home. Amen