In a nutshell, my husband of more than 22 years — whom I love with all my heart — came back home after being away for 18 months. He had been having an emotional affair with a girl at his work 20 years younger, and our family was completely destroyed.
We have six children, and this was the absolute last thing anyone would have expected from him because he is known by everyone as a wonderful husband and father, a great person, easy-going, likeable, amiable, awesome. He has been addicted to porn since the age of 10 and has masturbated on (basically) a daily basis since we were together, although he has lied about both and deceived me in every conceivable way.
I am someone who believes in keeping my vows and being faithful as a wife to the promises I made, “in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad…” so I do not want to break up our family again now that we are back together and we have been “healing.” My problem now is that he has resumed emailing his former mistress despite the pain it causes me and the disrespect it demonstrates. His behavior is unacceptable, and he has heard it from everyone, but he feels no remorse. He doesn’t even apologize.
He says he’s just trying to be a friend to her, and she feeds into it by manipulating him and giving guilt trips about going back to his family, believe it or not. Truly, such selfishness from both of them. I keep praying and praying, and I believe God will show His great power in helping me, but it is so hard to bear this painful cross like this. Now, in the past few days, I have stumbled across the definition and descriptions of narcissism, and my husband fits them almost to a tee, always has but I never knew what was happening.
The only difference is that instead of an actual “rage,” he punishes in a passive-aggressive way so that his “Mr. Nice” personality stays intact, and the treatment is ultimately emotionally abusive. I feel used and exploited constantly, but he is so cunning and deceptive, pathological in his lies and manipulations, truly masterful, that I think I am losing my mind. It always feels like chaos and insanity when I try to wrap my head around his actions and then his “loving” ways to me.
It is so distorted and disordered and, I believe, truly sick. I think my husband is truly sick. And I know that Satan is attacking him through this obsession with his former mistress and everything that is going on. I would like to humbly ask for prayers for (1) my husband to have a complete and profound conversion of heart and mind so that he can believe in and love God more than anyone or anything, even himself, (2) any obstacles to this conversion, like mental illness or sin or addiction or obsession, to be removed forever, (3) that my husband will stop communicating with his mistress and stop nurturing his obsessive (stalker-like) behavior regarding her in a manner that is hurting our marriage and threatening the wellbeing of our family, and (4) that the Holy Spirit will shine the light of truth on everything and wash over all of us with His healing power, so that each of us and our family as a whole can be transformed and healed.
Thank you so much for your kindness in praying with me. I feel so discouraged and sad about this. My husband needs a miracle, and so does our family. Thank you.