I have been having anxiety attacks when I realized that I was living a lie. Horrible pain and diarreha. I have been praying my husband would die this past year so I wouldn’t be marriage anymore.I have let hate grow in my heart. So much so that I don’t know if there is a future. I am mortified that this is my life. I feel that my horrible thoughts and my lack of working on my marriage to make it better has therefore let whatever love that was there die. I don’t know what to do. I have prayed for 30 years that God would give me His love for my husband. I have deep saddness deep in my soul all the time. How can a marriage survive this kind of deception?
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