Spirituality and faith have always played a huge role in my life. After losing my dad very suddenly when I was 15 I continued to have blind faith in God and the path he set before me. But my faith in Him was greatly shaken on August 7th, 2018 when I lost another very important man in my life… My fiance Joey. We had just welcomed our beautiful baby girl be 5 weeks earlier, when he was killed in a motorcycle accident just shy of his 34th birthday. We had fought through 5 and a half years of struggles and had finally reached a great place in our relationship. Life was just starting to make sense for us as a couple and now a family. Joey was struggling everyday with sobriety after 20 years of drug use following a devastating childhood trauma, but he was doing it. And he was doing it for his family as much as for himself. I was so in awe of the pride he had in himself and his family. After our loss of him my daughter and I started to suffer more trauma at the hands of many of his family members. Their unexplained distain for me fueled what seemed to be a need to see me fail. I had lies told about me, about Joey and our relationship, his feelings about being a dad and I was mentally and emotionally traumatized day after day by people who claimed to love me. I focused on our daughter and tried to convince myself that his family was hurting and that if I just gave it time and remained caring, considerate and understanding, things would get better. After 2 years following his death and of living with Joey’s dad I was forced to pack up a few of our things and get my daughter out of his house… The only place we had ever called home as a family. My daughter was terrified of her own grandpa, the same man that had asked us to stay after her dad died and that I had kept my promises and obligations to every step of the way. My daughter was always present when he would verbally and mentally abuse me. I still feel like I made the right choice for us but instead of seeing improvement, things just keep getting worse. We’ve been forced to bounce from place to place and due to my daughter’s emotional state I’ve decided to enroll my daughter in a mental health program for toddlers and we’re now technically homeless. Please pray that we will find a place to call home that will be a healthy environment for is both to find some healing. Please pray that I will again find the blind faith that I once relied so much on but have lost in the last few years. Please pray that my daughter is able to benefit from the help I have sought for her and that her trust in me, the only parent she has left, can be restored. Please pray for Joey’s family so that the hate in their hearts for me can be forgotten. And if that’s not possible, please pray that I find some acceptance and am able to realize that there are some things we just aren’t meant to understand. Please pray for help for me to be the mom my daughter is so deserving of. God give me the strength of and patience I need to get through this storm and open my eyes to all the good you give me everyday. Show me that you are with me no matter how it may seem. Please pray that I can find a place for us that feels like home. Joey was home to me and I’ve felt lost since he left. These struggles along with medical issues that I’ve suffered through for 15+ years have left me tired and a little bit bitter. More than anything please pray that I find my way back to the God that made me the person that I am because having that blind, unquestioning faith in Him again will give me what I need to resolve so many of the struggles we’re facing on my own. Lastly, please pray for God to bless the two people, Art and Carolyn, who’s love and and support have been unwaivering over the last few years. I know it’s a lot to ask, so I appreciate the prayers that are sent up to God even if you’re not able to get to all of them. Thank you so much.
Erin
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