There are family members who depended on me many many years ago. But I could not provide and meet my responsibilities.
As a child I had a great life, great parents, but as a teen I lost all to tragic accidents. My father died in a plane crash, my older sibling suffered a horrible car crash; all in the same year. My mother fell into shock and had to be tranquilized and sedated. I lost her too and became homeless, staying at friend’s homes when I could without calling attention to my desperate condition because I was trying so hard to hold onto community and friendships. I didn’t know what to do, I just didn’t want to lose what little I had left. But I had faith in God and the memory of my loving father and mother.
I joined the military which gave me meals, discipline, clothes, and company. I was lifted out of poverty but not rich enough to rebuild the home and family I had lost. But I had a pathway and hope, strength, and faith.
When I reentered civilian life, I found work and started a family. I felt I was restoring all I had lost in my youth.
But then I lost my work, I could no longer provide, I didn’t know what to do. I made some poor choices but there weren’t many to choose from. Never drugs, never alcohol, just a search for more stable conditions that took a long time causing separation from my family leaving them to fend for themselves.
I always hoped to return to them rich enough to help, to provide for them a great life. And I was days away from achieving this when the Pandemic caused me again to lose everything except my faith.
I became homeless again and in a state of shock. But I’m not giving up. I will not give up. I will pray for God’s mercy and help. I will pray God empowers me to make Amends to those I love and left behind.
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