by R ()

My husband and I met in college. We both grew up in Christian homes. He had porn addiction before meeting me. I waited 7 yrs to marry him to ensure he was free of addiction and free of seeing any images. He promised he would never return to his past sexual sin. We have been married 16 yrs and for the 20 yrs I have known him he has gone back to porn then would stop a few months before slipping back. He has hid it, lied and would neglect me in our bedroom. We have 4 kids. He is a workaholic. He works 7 AM to anywhere between 9 PM or 2 AM at his 8-5 PM job. He works in finance so he does not need to cover shifts of other employees or work so late as it is just office work, managing 4 coworkers and finance date entry / invoicing clients. He holds his job on a pedestal and Jesus and his wife are tied for last. He insults me daily with ugly words and tells me I am worthless and lazy. He is narcissistic personality, has anger problems and cusses at me. He does not drink or use drugs and I am safe here but I am always sad and depressed and alone. I am a stay at home mom and homeschool our 4 children. We all 6 go to church weekly but no one at church knows my husband’s personality as he is so active in the church and he volunteers in many areas. Please pray for me to feel loved and respected and for him to honor Jesus and his family above his job and for him to be healed of his narcissism and lust/porn. I do not want to speak to anyone but just want prayer and to know that people are consistently and fervently praying for me. I have not told any one this information I am telling you, except my mother in law, his mom. She prays and is upset by how he is treating me and upset with his sin and his neglecting us. His mom and I are close friends (closer than my own mom and I) but his mom lives several states away from us so it is by email or phone that we connect. If someone emails me back, I do not want to speak over the phone, or give much more detail, I just would like to know my prayer request is heard and that someone will pray for our family. I am wanting to stay anonymous for the most part. This is something I cannot speak to my church about as I am not comfortable with doing that due to how active we are in the church and the way we act and are seen at church (all smiles and we look like the perfect family). It is different from what is hidden in my heart (sadness and pain and loneliness and broken trust).

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