I grew up being told about you and the consequences of what would happen if I abandoned you. Well I did not abandon you I loved you but you did abandon me. The unhappy childhood with sex abuse. The postnatal psychosis. Having to cope with all my disabled daughter has gone through. Losing my dad at a time when I thought my life was due to start, then looking after my mother for nearly 20 years. All the other crap in between and now, coping with my alcoholic husband who has lost yet another job. My life feels over at nearly 60. What did I ever do to be punished so much. There has not been 1 year of my life that I can say has been happy because even happy events were ruined by the bad things that followed 10 fold. I have prayed but my prayers were never answered, my prayers were simple. As I look around at people who do not even give you a thought and see how lucky they have been, I cannot help thinking what did I do for you to hate me so much?
I am nearly 60 and have little time left before old age or even death takes before I have lived. What is the point of bothering. You will not help me now as you have not done before. Crisis pass not due to any intervention from you, just because they do. Why am I submitting this? I need a glimmer of hope that others will see and pray that some miracle happens to help my husband stop drinking so that we can at least once, wake up one weekend and take a walk hand and hand. That was my simple prayer. Instead,, I live with someone I no longer know because of drink and although he is suffering, so am I.
Help me make some sense of why my life has been so wretched?