I’ve lost my hope again, pushed my faith away and push God away. I’ve lost my “Happy Place” living in my life long dream of living at the ocean. Lost all my $, moved several times to 3 different states, lost my mother & love of my life I thought was given a 2nd chance with after 30 yrs but he pasted last year then my emotional support dog Roxy after 26-1/2yrs. I’m back living in NY, a place that is dreary & winters are way too long. Both my kids in their 20s struggle with bipolar & it weighs on me. I’m lost & wondering in a desert that never seems to end. I feel as if 1 tsunami after another hits. God has brought 2 stranger & my breaking point of giving up on God to tell me God hears my crying payers. To forgive & know that He loves me. My favorite song Reckless Love reminds me that He doesn’t give up on His lost sheep. I know this & even thou there’s signs of this I can’t seem to hold onto it & believe in a better tomorrow even with all the small blessings all around me. I’m dead inside, emotionless & stuck in the valley of gloom. I know what to do to change, have the tools to change this but I’ve lost my motivation. I’m stuck in the beautiful place I lived & wonder why I only deserved it for 1/1/2. I had joy & peace within there. I smiled, sang with pure joy, journaled every morning oceanside waking up with God & the sun. I was living & now feel like I’m just surviving, dragging myself thru ea day with a chain & ball to my ankle & a heaviness in my heart. I want to have empathy, love, peace, joy & hope again! Have something to look forward to…To thrive again!!
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