My husband & I have been married for 15 years but we have been together for 20 years in total. I thought that he was saved but it turns out he is not. He has slowly drifted away from God but to be honest I don’t know if he ever really was. He is a lot like his Father. His mother told me the same thing that she thought his father was saved as well. He has had numerous affairs on her and my fear is that my husband has been secretly doing the same things for years…he has just been more cautious about it but I have had numerous dreams, he has been a porn addict for years. I used to be addicted to pornography but I have not entertained it for atleast 5 years now. I do believe he struggles with lust and apparently he has built friendships with other female co-workers unknown to me until a few years ago…all of his friends/coworkers are whoremongers. It concerns me that he would yoke himself with these ppl but then I realize based on the music he listens to, movies he watch, through conversations we have attempted to have (because he is a great deflector & owns up to nothing). I realize either she is not really saved and/or that he has backslid into sin & his living in darkness. He does not have a personal relationship with his children. He never praises them for anything unless he sees me do it. I honestly don’t know what to do…Biblically I can’t divorce or leave him unless I have tangible poof that he has been unfaithful. I honestly feel trapped. I have been praying for years for him to change and he makes these baby steps in changing when he needs to do a 180 degree change for me to feel secure in this marriage. I feel like I am always doing things on his terms and striving to make him happy and he is not doing the same for me or his children. He proclaims that he does but his heart is far from us. Because of this situation I have blamed myself and God even though I made the choice to stay in this for our kids sake. I go thru depression and I often don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel for this marriage. I do not have the same passion for reading my bible like I used to. I just have trust issues all the way around. I have a hard time trusting God, my husband, or anyone for that matter because of the trauma & the mistreatment that I been thru in my life. My parents, my husband, his parents, my siblings, and most ppl I know are so narcissistic and do not care anyone but themselves. I just don’t feel that I deserve any of this but here I am. So I am praying for my relationship with God to be restored and my heart put back together because I am in fear of what is coming and I feel I have no control over this situation at all. I pray every day and I ask others to pray for me daily for my strength because this burden is heavy. Please pray for us Alicia, Nathaniel, Nathan, Ryan, & Alana Williams. God bless you all for your ministry. In Jesus name. Amen.
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