I hope He forgives me for taking my life. I know He’s in me and it’s a sin against my body like all the other ones. I want to rise above but this cycle of mental illness just means in another 3-5 years I’ll be in this place again. I’ve spent more of my 56 year in misery than happy and I can’t face this next struggle. It’s bigger than me. Even if I overcame it, what’s next? My morning thoughts were to carve up my face beyond recognition and then take a bottle of pills. Lovely. And then the guilt of my legacy saddens me further. If I stay, I’m a burden to them with all my issues and failures. Some of my kids don’t speak to me, and I don’t see my grandchildren….if I go, I leave them with at least a hope of cleaning the slate and moving on. It my will. I get that. Just please pray that my hell on earth was sufficient punishment for my sins
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