I turn 34 this month and have struggled with addiction since I was a teenager. From the outside you would never know. I always maintained a job and never suffered any consequences like a DUI…although many many times I should have. I can manage to keep it all together on the outside but on the inside I am falling apart.
In 2018 after my 4 year old daughter found me passed out on the bathroom floor, I finally was able to get sober. I stayed sober for 2 years and was the happiest I had ever been. Then last year I had two miscarriages within a few months of each other and I sought comfort in alcohol. I quickly spiraled and here I am again…drinking every night…every morning praying and promising myself and God that it was the last time. And then by evening I’m back at it. I don’t understand how I can hate something so much but continue to choose to use it. My daughter deserves so so so much better than having a drunk mom. Sure, she might not know now, but as she gets older she will and I hate to think of living this way any longer.
Please pray that the Lord will set me free from the chains of addiction that have held me captive for so long. So many years wasted. I so desperately want to be free but yet I keep making the choice to stay trapped. Ugh it’s like I have two people living inside me that are constantly at war. My mind is a battlefield and I can’t take it much longer.
Thank you for taking time to read this. Can’t even believe I’m sending it but…I believe in the power of prayer.