Dear Father, I’ve been in this world for 41 years and disappointment has come a knocking once again. Years has gone by since my last big heartbreak as I was abandoned in Tennessee which took me through many obstacles to get to a point where I felt that I’ve found the right partner for me. But after a 3-year relationship and one month until the wedding we decided the call it off due to irreconcilable differences. I pride myself on being true to GOD in everything I do but I feel like we lost touch with that leading up to the wedding. On top of that my best friend for 16 years has ghosted me and I don’t know the reason why. A year ago, she texted me that she would be there for me if I needed her and one day, I had a dream that she died, I texted her and she never responded. I assume she’s alive based on what her parents and the police (did a wellness check) said but it’s odd that she doesn’t want to talk to me as she has always talked to me no matter what yet it happened. Also, her voicemails stay full as if she doesn’t even use her phone which makes me wonder If there’s something else going on. My heart is broken from both situations as they happened around the same time considering all that has happened in 2020. My 2020 wasn’t as straight-forward since my Vehicle got stolen first week into lockdown despite living next door to a sheriff. Also, I am highly stressed at my Job as I drive an hour to and an hour from work Monday-Friday. I have a coworker who shows up when he feels like it and my manager is aware but doesn’t do anything about it. It appears that they plot to stress me out each day instead of making the work environment fair and enjoyable. I know in the past 3 months my workload has increase significantly and it just seems like they are waiting for me to crack instead of evening out the workload. I’ve mentioned to my manager of my stress levels but it seems like he likes to motivate by fear and intimidation. As I am forced to not have feeling at work since the Manager says “They” are watching me and it’s not a good look to be sad or frustrated. With all of this stress I’ve been dealing with and I pray daily but I don’t have anyone to talk to as my parents don’t have their life together as my dad was never happy for me as he’s very negative and my brothers are just as hateful as they are envious of me. I’ve been in the state of Tennessee by myself for 18 years and I get tired of being alone here and tired of starting over with people. I just pray for peace, love and happiness as my road in life hasn’t been easy. I would like to have the opportunity to find true love and serve GOD the way he intends me to. Months later, I find myself in this Uncertain City of Nashville just making it day to day feeling that I am more outside of my comfort zone than I’ve ever been. The Dating prospects are worse than ever as its more difficult to find a decent date as I attract what is not for me and desirable women tend to avoid me (I don’t think I am unattractive). Lord, I pray for an Attractive woman of God, beautiful in heart, mind, and soul. May she be faithful, loyal, sincere, and noble in her thoughts and deeds. Grant her patience. Let her be filled with love, humility, and understanding for me. The Guy friends (married or not) that I would usually meet tend to want to be in competition with me instead of uplifting. I would like to good friends in my life and I would like to have a low stress job that I can look forward to going to each day. My prayer is that after not having the best childhood and adulthood until this point that things turn around for the better so that I can have better clarity to serve GOD, love and feel loved, as well as have good people in my life to inspire me to be my best self, In Jesus name.
2023
Going into this Uneventful start the year I feel a strong sense of frustration, anger and disappointment. My friend of 16 years her number was suddenly disconnected now while this can be looked as door closed it is still very unsettling. Who wants to feel that everybody you meet is on borrowed time to ghost you instead of knowing the actual reason. The woman I got engaged to gave up the relationship without much of a fight. Despite making valid points backed up with bible scriptures it just seems like I was destined to go down this road alone. My Job while usually slow to start the year, I have sense that they are brewing up some drama instead of trying to make it a better workplace. Despite trying to end the year on a high note by taking high quality pictures and trying to put myself out there dating it seems like its never enough as if I am plotted against to not have anything that’s enjoyable. Less than 10 days into the New Year and I am already discouraged. Lord, I know your love for me is never-ending, but sometimes I just can’t help but feel alone amid my setbacks and challenges. Please give me the strength to get through this, and help me to remember that you are always by my side. In Jesus name amen.
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