Regret and fear

by Amanda ()

Our father who is in Heaven hallowed be thy name thy kingdom come thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. Adani, lord God Almighty, El Shaddai Emanuel Jehovah Yeshua, your name is most holy and worthy to be praised the great and powerful I AM, thank you for saving me from myself and for increasing my knowledge understanding and wisdom. With increased wisdom is increased sorrow especially to realize how unrighteous and unworthy I truly am. As it seems to me I stand across a lake looking at your kingdom with no boat to cross. I don’t know how I can possibly get there and be accepted in. Especially in this day and age. The more I study the word the more questions arise and the more your kingdom seems impossible to reach. There are things hard to accept in your word especially about Lot and Sarah. Things I don’t understand that we’re okay. Like for the surrogate concubine. It seems to be that some lower class woman’s feelings didn’t matter and they suffer the consequences of others choices as it was their own choice when they had no choice in the matter. How come it was okay for lot to offer up his daughters to those nasty men and that not be a wicked thing done to them? I am so disgusted by men and how they constantly hot on me or make pases and have their ways and we’ll you know my heart on the matter lord.. are we as women just supposed to submit to men’s advances and suck it up and just accept it? Even your word suggests a man marry the woman he raped. The thought alone I can’t fathom being okay with any of this and just accepting it because I’m a female. I just don’t understand some ways help me understand because the more I study the more it seems to be there’s a preordained people and everything is already set in motion and death is upon us and as the way it looks nobody can make it in this era. Nobody and if anyone it’s such a tiny fraction. I don’t know what I’m trying to say here but you do lord help me understand because the more I Know and understand the more discouraged I became because the more aware I became of how impossible it seems to be to enter the kingdom of God. I have my lawyer call today Lord. You know what is best for my son’s. I ask that you open my mouth to say what needs to be said at the right times and shut my mouth when it needs to be shut. Thank you for hearing my prayers this morning. Please guide me always no matter how hard it is to do. I need courage and strength lord please equip me with courage and strength. In your gracious holy name Yahweh I pray Amen Shelom selah hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Shalom selah hallelujah Amen

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