Praying for The Peace/Joy of Salvation and Just a sense of adequacy

by Pabi' ()

I have been saved for almost 3 years now. My life has taken a 360 degree turn into a direction I was never familiar with and I imagine it is God restructuring it and propelling me to His purpose/will for my life. I am 36 and stuck. I look around and people I pray with are progressing amidst adversities and challenges of life. I am just stuck and in a lot of pain. I just wish I could be happy at the very least or have peace and this is no pity prayer but an honest prayer to God which I have prayed avidly for years. I ask Him what is the point of being saved if life is the same? I ask Him to talk to me, but I don’t hear Him. Yet daily I meditate on His word. I pray. I seek Him earnestly and repent where I faulter. I feel so abandoned and so forgotten by God because for years I have been stuck; no stable job, no spouse, no kids, no peace/joy and I live from hand to mouth. The struggle feels worse since I got saved and I wonder if I am that bad a sinner that I don’t deserve mercy? I am the kind that prays for people and they get immediate results, yet when it comes to me .I am just stuck and I don’t even know why I am here. I am just so hopeless. I am empty and scared yet to Unbelievers I Glorify Him and tell them just how loving our God is. I meditate on scripture and know God is moved by faith but my tragedies have left me so depleted and oh so discouraged. I wish I knew what I am doing wrong so I could fix it. But I am tired of praying and crying out day and night to God. My tears are my food. I am depleted and pray God comes quickly (Psalm 42:17). I am scared if He doesn’t I am not gonna love Him like I do and He is the only Love I have ever known yet He feels so far away. My finances are in shambles, my career is stuck. I have nothing.

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