I don’t have wings. I can’t fly, but felt years ago that I had to to prove myself. What I ended up with was insanity. I did not accept that I was growing older. I abused myself for my past. Lived in denial. The truth is too hard for me to deal with, although, up until 5 years ago I was doing okay. I was surrounded by a reality that paralyzed me. I have quit growing/helping/being of useful service.
I was afraid to change and be myself. I am a mess. Please pray for me for peace of mind. I need to regain my balance again. My reality is loneliness and a non-marriage. I am no longer pretty or will ever have children. I need prayers to accept what is and grow again. I stopped growing at 43 when my spouse was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. It paralyzed me & I quit. I am crazy and dangerous, but not in a good way. I won’t hurt anyone but myself, but I am crazy because I can’t accept what is. I kept fighting – trying hard to fake it until I made it. Unhappy, unfulfilled, living in a surreal, unreal world. so many “un’s”.
I have made my disaster thoughts a reality. I need prayers. I lost a pet during this stressful time. I need to grow up, have faith, and get a grip. Let go and go on.