There is a man I love, and maybe he likes me too, or at least is starting to, but he is currently incapable of fully loving me–or anyone–yet, because of the many things in his life he has to fix first. He is not perfect, not by a long shot, but I love him, even so. I love him because there is no one else who I could talk to like this, who stays with me and helps me in so many ways even when I do not ask him to, and who gives me the freedom to be who I am, because I know he likes me in spite of my many idiosyncrasies. When we spend time with each other, I feel something there, something I cannot find in anyone else, not even the other men before him whom I have loved.
But there are so many things he has to work on before we do get to together, and before he could even begin to think of being with me: his career especially, and his fear of starting another relationship again, after everything he has been through, some of it through his own fault. I do not even know what I mean to him, exactly. Am I simply his best friend now? Or something more? I keep asking myself, am I simply deluding myself? Is this man not the man God meant for me at all? I have waited for so long, and many times I have hoped and prayed, only to have my heart broken in the end.
Please pray for me, and for him, that this time, things will be different. That in the end, he works out all his issues–and comes back to me, after everything. I really do want to start a real, stable relationship with him, one that is no longer fraught with his personal angst. Please pray that I may have the strength to wait and trust in God’s plan for me–and well, if it be His will, that this will not lead to heartbreak again. What if it turns out like before, when someone else comes along, and I found out the man I loved was meant for that other person all along, and not me? This time, I think, because he is more precious than anyone I’ve loved before, it will really and truly break my heart, and I do not know if I can survive losing him.
But I have faith in God, still, that everything that is happening to me is for my own good, and even if He chooses to break my heart, it is because he knows I can handle it. But sometimes, keeping this faith is becoming very, very hard, when all my fears about all this overwhelms me. So please, if you may, please pray that I may still have the strength to believe in Him, and please pray for us, that we work this out, and this leads to unceasing happiness for both of us, in the end.
Dear Lord, please hear my prayer. Amen.Return to Prayers for Forgiveness