Dear Lord, I have been married for 10 years to a man I thought I loved. He has betrayed me and our children with his choices and decisions regarding our finances. I don’t understand how he could blatantly lie to my face when questions were asked of him. I knew something was terribly wrong when he would come home late from work and ignore me when I wanted to talk to him or get close to him physically. I have been suffering in this marriage for many years, I cannot talk to him without ending up in an argument or a push and shove. Throughout my marriage I have had to fight and hope and pray for everyhing! Nothing has been easy for my family. When we first met, I thought he was a true gentleman, someone who would protect and look after me in every way. Soon into our marriage he became very controlling and I realised that his persona was all an act.
To the outside world he appears to be a loving father and a “good guy”, if only people knew the truth about him. I asked him for marriage counselling but he refused to go, he doesn’t admit to any fault. I have become depressed over the years and I am so unhappy Lord, I cry myself to sleep most nights and when I look at my children my eyes well with tears. My children will ask “mummy, why are you sad?” I respond with “baby, they are happy tears, when I look at you I feel so happy and lucky to have you in my life” My children aged 3 and 5 have become aware of the fact that we don’t even acknowledge each other at home anhymore.
I just feel so hopeless Lord, please with all my body and soul I pray for the sttrengh to get through this horrible time in my life. Please Lord, guide me to make the right decision for my children, should I stay for my boys in a marriage that makes me so unhappy? Is this the right thing to do in Your eyes my Lord? Please help me, I am sick with grief, my heart beats so fast, I have started smoking again after 5 years of quitting, my hair is falling out and my skin has aged so much, I don’t feel like a woman anymore.
I feel like a zombie who walks through the day with a blank stare of sadness. God please help me, give me strengh and I beg of You to guide me and carry me through this sorrowful time. Amen