God, I wish I had the hold-steady not to make private prayers in public, for I know that this is in a way acting and not for you, but for people, but recognising this, I’ll continue.
I love people, don’t get me wrong. I am a person, but being a sinner gets me down.
God, I am running low on love. Try as I might, I can’t be the way I am when I’m full of love. I have just turned thirty and do want to sanctify my life- but whereas when I was younger, I did stupid stuff I now regret and overdid it, at least then I met people, specifically women.
Now, I am always at the beck and call of my mother and father, but not in a negative way- I am making up for lost time and also they’re not bed bound they don’t need my help as much as that. But I think what I mean is they have me under their wing, they have put a protection on me so now I see through the things I used to do to find enjoyment and see how they never would work.
But I think fun, although it may mask a multitude of sins, there is a fun which exists and which I don’t have now – where there is no shame, no hangover, none of this.
So please God keep me searching until I find it.
Now I under-do it and am bored to death virtually and that’s bad too.
Please help God and sorry, I do trust you, but waves of worry wash my confidence in you away; hopefully not forever. Amen