Dear Lord in Heaven, please heal me from this terrible illness, please help me make it through. This is my fifth time battling severe depression and all I can see is regrets, mistakes, shortcomings, loneliness and fear.
This time I am alone on the other side of the world from my family so I can’t tell them i am sick again because they would only worry without being able to help in any way. I made a decision some 3 years ago to move to another country far far from home and it has been a struggle ever since but my stubbornness and foolishness and pride kept me from doing the smartest thing and going back after the first major obstacle.
I didn’t want to give up so easily and be seen a failure. In the process due to many factors I have lost friends, lost money, lost my investment back home and I am still here and now fighting this awful beast. All I can think about is how stupid and foolish I have been and everything I have sacrificed to be here in the first place.
I want to go home now but I can’t until I have worked and saved money to make a new start and begin from zero again. I pray God will heal me and make me strong again, that He will replace the fear and despair and shame in my heart with hope, courage and peace. I pray morning till night just to make it through the day as I am alone here without anyone but God in Heaven to turn to.
I pray that God will help me through, help me endure this pain of existing I feel. I keep thinking that if it wasn’t for the pain and sorrow and heartbreak it would cause my mom and dad I would just end this life- I pray from the depths of my soul for God to please help me and heal me and comfort me and help me through.
And I ask for anyone out there to please pray for me, pray that He hears my cries for help and would let me feel like living again, feel joy again, that God would fill my heart with hope and make me strong, help me get through this. I am so alone and have to hide how I feel on the inside and lie about it.
I can’t bear this much longer, please Lord, help me. Please don’t leave me alone. Amen.