Our daughter has been in the nicu for over two weeks, she was born prematurely and has been struggling to get healthy. I am devistated. I’m anxiety ridden and depressed. This is breaking my heart so much that I can literally feel the physical pain of my heart breaking!
I’m at my ropes end. I’m lost. I’m making stupid choices instead of being strong for my beloved family. My husband has been extremely supportive and strong yet I manage to fall apart on a daily basis. I’ve turned to alcohol, I’ve turned to drugs (pain medication and cigarettes.) Please don’t judge me as I’ve had an extremely traumatic childhood and having my daughter was supposed to cure the open wounds of distress from all of the abuse I endured as a child.
Having my perfect husband and child was meant to correct the evil I continuesly witnessed and bare to this day. I am distraught. I am (as stated above) making horrible choices. I fear that I am only losing my daughter more with these actions and curing my pain temporarily to make the circumstances worse in the long run.
i need ny baby and she needs her father and i. though it may seem, I am not a horrible person. I’m only severely wounded. I’m not asking for sympathy I am here to ask for your prayers.
That god may continue to give me the strength I need to manage… To get through this. To take on the pain without abusing drugs and alcohol. To help relieve my depression and stress.. To send his beautiful angels to surround my family and protect us.
I need strength. I need compassion, I need understanding and most of all faith. I have not turned my back on you lord. I never will. I do need your help greatly at this time. I told my husband earlier that I would rather relive the sexual, mental and physical abuse then to have to go through another day without my daughter. I need her to be well.
I need god to allow me the chance to give my daughter everything I never received as a child. Not materially things but the love that ever child should be given. The protection from evil that every mother should provide.
Please. As God’s children, take my hand and pray with me. Ask The Lord to help me recover from my past and allow me to give to my angel the love she deserves. Please pray for us. I ask this on Jesus name. Amen. Thank you