I don’t know what the problem is. One could say that it is because I have a broken heart, a heart walled off. My son ended his life by suicide 4 years ago. He is my only child. He was 26. This action took me completely by surprise. I saw no warnings. Looking back there were some, but most were hidden from me or I overlooked. My prayer is always for his eternal soul to be at peace. One could say that it involves mental health medication that has been reduced or eliminated by my doctor oddly enough during this period. I am less and less able to communicate with others. I avoid people, my world is becoming smaller and smaller, I have retired partly because I lost all interest in work and also because of my age. The pain is unbearable sometimes, but other times it plays out as impatience. I don’t know what to do. I am confused as to my course of action. I had been taking medications for many years and my doctor took me off them, and now I feel worse in some ways. I feel deeply lonely. I could go on and on, but words are unable to express . So I guess my prayer is that God take the wheel. If I need to surrender in some one, please help me do it. If I need to be open to help, please open that door and send me the help I need and allow me to take the help. If it is medication, a church, a program, a prayer group, whatever I need, I pray that I will be humble enough to admit defeat and take His hand. Thank you.
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