Please God, help me understand the purpose of his presence once again in my life. There was a time in the past of infidelity, disrespect and violence. I was strong to remove myself from that situation although I know he loved me but his addiction has continued to ruin his life.
I am lost because I love him and see in his eyes that he loves me but he has problems. Problems from years of issues, family issues, issues that he learned from his father’s unfaithful ways. It has been over a year of his absence but then he was brought back into my life.
What is his purpose in my life? To trust him again? To believe that he is working on his struggles? To show me that he is there for me? To help me understand that he is not the One for me? Please god, I beg of you to show me the answers.
Today we fought because I saw something that reminded me of his past. He denied it but was angry in the process. He began raising his voice and crying because he was frustrated. I was sad and consumed with fear.
I did not want to live a life of problems, infidelity, disrespect and, so, I was hesitant. He abruptly decided to leave and I left too. With intense anger he was hurt, hurt from my accusing, hurt from what he believes will be his loss when I leave. I am at home in silence now with the unknown feeling of desperation, fear and sadness. Please show me the light of hope.