My family isn’t my family. I haven’t talked to them for 4 years now. I am pregnant by a man I have been with for 2 years, but he doesn’t want to have anything to do with the baby and is treating me in a horrible manner.
He tells me I am a nightmare, that I am psychotic, that I would make a horrible mother. He has hit me in the stomach, won’t acknowledge my emotions, cusses at me, and continues to hide the pregnancy from his family.
I don’t want to kill the baby. I am 27 and he is 35. You would think that he wouldn’t be like this, but his fear is taking control of him and his self centered nature is over coming him. He doesn’t know God very well and has a past of addiction that runs in his family.
I don’t know what I should do. There is no way I can do this alone. His mother really wants a grandchild and she sees his faults. I think she might be supportive. I wish he would just talk to me and treat me with love and respect.
It isn’t that hard. He doesn’t have to agree with me, I just want to be respected instead of poured out onto the floor and kicked like a piece of trash.
I don’t know what I have done to deserve all of what I have been through and I am sorry to say “poor me”… but my life has been horrible since I was old enough to see past the edge of my own yard and I don’t have a whole lot of spirit left in me. God has been silent. I can’t hear his voice. I call out for protection. I scream to heaven that they hear me and send me help. I reach out for compassion and guidance.
I don’t know what I want for my life. I have been asking God for that for so long, ever since I could pray… and he sent me this baby… I don’t know what I should do and I hate being treated like this. I just want the pain to stop.
Please tell God to help me. Please. I feel like I am curled up cold and forgotten bleeding to death while the world walks by me.