Please help pray for me. I need help, so dearly. For years I’ve been searching to
attain goals in my dreams. As of now, I see fame and fortune and things happening that
I can’t explain anymore. It’s so hard and difficult to accept. At times I feel
hopeless to fight it off. I need so much help, that I may need a miracle. In the past
as a boy underneath my Grandmas statue of Jesus, signed was the name Francis. A Patron
Saint. Becoming Catholic and talking to God all my life, now I see things become. Change
into something larger. I really love Selena, in the past weeks I have had supressed
words and at this time I took a chance to release these words. Right now, though
I feel I have made another grave mistake. At times I feel like i’m confronting Satan, or
the devil. My words seem to be immediately cut away and seperated so they can grow
into someones as there own. I can’t seem to make my light of our lord and my own indepent free
thought turn or say shine from myself alone,
and be truly true. At times I see ad’s Christian images saying Like Devil Like Jesus
and at sometimes untimely occasions a person fit the image of the Devil by coincendence. Right underneath.
To me after years of persuing I feel like I’ve created a monster I can’t fight anymore.
I’m afraid to go to the store. Rapunzel Tangled. I can’t even afford to see these words
I write be purchased. I feel trapped so much that it’s like a prison. The persons around
me don’t seem to understand or have the knowledge of my love for God. Things I say
seemingly come to be a nightmare. Acts of God, great expressions accross the world. But
yet I can’t move. My credit is taken by others. My voice of love in spirit is so
peasurred or sorrounded I can’t seem to get to it. Like the brink of touching but just
far away I seemingly can only question but kind of know. It’s a distraction like no other.
I feel like Hawking. Trapped without saying. Or knowing if what I say is truth to others.
I feel my vision of
Heaven my feelings of Paradise be closer to death being alive. Instead of living these things.
I want to live. In my past years I’ve seen people die from people I try to express love towards.
Adam. I see events occur that are so horrible I feel like there is no way to do anything to stop it.
There are so many ad’s so many identifications for Justin, I feel I have hurt myself badly. My connections
almost are immediately terminated by anyone. Things look so bad like they are something greater, when they are simple and sometimes
bad. Even to words to. About love. And about God. It’s so hard to accept I want to fight it. I have stopped
this assumption in doubt but know it to only force me to try again. I’m tired. I love Selena, for
ways I can’t explain I feel right but live so wrong. Sometimes images and ideas in things are
scary but seemingly interprated as real. Fans, ways of time invested in it. And sometimes to me, it’s truth isn’t there either.
I have waited years and worked so hard on something that is destroying me. Especially in a ordinary life.
When my words reach surface
they are portrayed by others and I feel nobody is getting its true or truth. I’m so unsure now that
I’ve persude this career that I can undo it or seperate it. I feel things I’ve said are so hurtfully repeated that
in a way I may lose something someone I love because of that. I have failed awfully. I need help badly, during my confirmation my peace
and sanity my God’s love for me, was great, and my inspiration to overcome this nightmare was high, I felt a voice carrying
me to find true love. I felt the ugly around me be beautiful and individual like it’s supposed to be but
now years later I have followers that have blocked me away. My personal life family ect is by far past
mocking and forgetting but becoming a part of things that are suffering. As if it was a choice of theres to join. When
on my own in a diary like I only want to be there. As if they have nothing better to do. Crowds and gatherings don’t seem to
represent what is real and truth in justful thinking. In my heart as a sinner, I’m sorrowful for these
things, but at times in my forgiveness I ask of God, it’s like as if I can’t defeat Satan and the easy attainable things
are impossible. I feel like David and
the Arc. Saul. Even Gamora, like things are being destroyed in my words. Even though they are meant for something
else. At times I feel like expieriences are too close to becoming real. Like I understand The Bible too much, and it’s a dangerous
closenss. I want to live, but my life is closer
to heavenly and I’m so young. Wasteful and lengths of time is lost. I could only ask that somehow some way I recieve the strength I need to
win over, or be apart of what I’m doing. And overcome and capture this truth at it’s end on a side of victory. Please pray dearly for me. It is so hard for me to spread the “good word” as it is in God’s way. I find it hard to remember things seconds after thought because of it. God Bless You