First off, I would like to thank the Lord for allowing me to stay employed. I have been thru some things that I ultimately did to myself to jeopardize my career, but God has given me Mercy and Grace.
Since leaving the Military, I have been blessed to find a job right away. But it seems that for each new job, there has been some dissatisfaction because I was never utilized in a way to use my gifts from God and just referred to as “staff”.
My current job with same company I relocated cross country on my own dime, and thought it would help my career. But I haven’t been so depressed in my life. Not to say that I am perfect, but all of my attempts to further my career has been denied at this current position. Additionally, because of my work background, I am not able to do what I thought I was initially set to do at this place.
Also, when I first started to work at this company, I came in not knowing any better and was low-balled. I have other co-workers that do half of the work I do, and get paid a lot more than I am and its frustrating because I am robbing Peter to pay Paul.
I really don’t wanna sound like I am complaining, because of some things I did, I shouldn’t have a job right now. But I feel like I am losing my mind there. I cry sometimes at work out of no where because I don’t feel like I am respected, and when I do introduce solutions for work productivity, I am “side eyed” or someone finds fault in it and tries to take credit for corrections in any of my ideas.
I know that it may not be my season, but Lord, I am asking that you please give me a sign that the battle is not lost. I have an interview for what seems to be a great job, but I am 1 out of 4, and its not a paid move. I also worry about how background checks will go if I am blessed to get this job. I just want to stop being depressed and ready to end my life because I feel that there is no hope for me, no matter how many degrees I have, or what work I have done, its no good.
I know there are people who are worst off than me, and that’s why I feel bad for feeling depressed and suicidal. I have to fake the funk at work and around friends cause I am ashamed that I feel this way. But I just don’t know what else to do at this point. I am sure that its other things to add to my depression, but this job is a key factor. I just ask for any prayer and encouragement at this time so I don’t lose my mind. Thank you and good night.