I keep getting recurring infections in my body that I can’t explain and its very troubling and depressing because it comes even when I’m not doing the things that requires for you to contract it. I’m frustrated and confused and just really angry because I look after myself but it continues to occur and doctors are saying I’m healthy and there’s no reason for concern but this doesn’t feel true to me due to what happens often. It contradicts what they say and goes against my gut feeling. I’m furious and at the point where I’m just constantly depressed and feeling upset. Most times I don’t wanna do anything. I end up behaving impatiently or irrationally in front of my children. I have major trust issues and I just feel so far away from everything. I don’t want to be alive right now but I love my children and they keep me alive. If I was alone I would’ve done myself a long time ago. I have no career no job although I really want to work and believe I am capable and talented and worthy to be employed. I do have some confidence and self esteem issues but I can work on that. I lack motivation and drive most times but the things I want to do require these things that I don’t have or lack. I’m so over weight and I don’t like it but I keep making bad decisions and am constantly doing foolish senseless things that keep me in that bondage. I need Gods blessings and support, his love and his wisdom to carry me through. I feel like I’m walking a daily raging storm. My husband and I don’t get along. He despises me and always looks at me like I’m rubbish. It hurts but that’s his problem not mine. I know I need to make change but something isn’t right. I’m angry and very sad. I love my children and would like to be at my best but I feel like i let some things pull me off track. I keep taking two steps forward and five steps back. Please pray for me. I need a change. I need healing in all aspects of my life.
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