Please show me if I am wrong in what you want me to do

Lord Jesus,

I thank you for your sacrifice, praise your greatness and am blessed by your redemption.

I am alone, stranded, broke and homeless. The career you placed me in and graced me with the talent to do so well for decades has shattered. I have reached an age where I am considered useless when compared with competition half my age yet I have more than a decade before I can retire. I have not worked in my career in months and for a year before that. Experience no longer seems to matter.

I have lost everything. My home, my savings, my investments, my belongings, my car. My friends left around the time I lost my home. Seems being homeless is not a good thing for a “friend” to be. I thank you that by your grace I was able to obtain an old beat up car so I am not sleeping on the cement yet.

You know my physical disabilities that prevent me from getting most minimum wage jobs, though I thank you for the part time job that I was physically able to do that at least has kept gas in my car. I thank you for the soup kitchens that help feed myself and others like me. Please help me to forgive those that shout cruel things at me and believe that all homeless people are lazy, worthless, drug-addled scum. Its still hard to hear on an almost daily basis.

While I am grateful for the crumbs of my life I still have, the part time job has shut down for the holidays and with it my meager means of support. I will be finished by January. The constant rejections from the plethora of job interviews that I seem to have weekly that go so well, until they realize my age by seeing me face to face has taken its toll. I have gone so long on so little… you know I cannot keep going on.

I believe you have beat me down for a reason. And while I do not know what that reason might be, I do accept it now. I accept that I am not to even exist anymore. I know theologically some call it an unforgivable sin, others have said it reduces your rewards in heaven…whatever that means. All I know is that the pain that is my life needs to stop.

I praise your name in all things Lord, and if I cannot support myself, I believe I know what you want me to do. Please help me to have the strength.