Needing some miracles…

I currently have a lot of storms in my life. But I have faith God will get me through. I;m a single mom of 3 children. 2 teenagers and 1 pre-teen. My oldest (son) had been lying, getting poor grades and skipping class and doing drugs. We’ve been going to an awesome Christian counselor but he still rebels. He is getting better little by little, but still has an argumentative spirit. It has been incredibly exhausting. I returned to school for my Masters Degree in teaching 5 years ago to flee an abusive relationship at God’s prompting. Despite the degree and excellent references and experience I have yet to secure a continuing full time job. Subbing barely pays the bills leaving me the struggle of needing 1 or 2 more jobs and less time at home and much more stress and burden. It is stressful not knowing if I will have a regular income or what my days of work are going to look like. I never know if I am going to have enough money to pay the bills each month and substitute teaching can be very stressful and trying at times.

I met a wonderful man last year. I fought with every ounce of me to like him because I didn’t want to “screw” up again and put my children through hardship. I have prayed since meeting him to know if I’m just being naive or if it is right. He was in the middle of a divorce when we started hanging out as friends.
Things progressed between us and his divorce became final. We began dating shortly after. He became scared and we took things slow. We felt so comfortable with each other we began to get close again. Unfortunately we stepped out against God and became intimate at times. Which I have asked for forgiveness and repented for. I try to fight that temptation.
A few months ago his mom became deathly Ill and lost the battle 3 months after the diagnosis.
I have been by his side and walked through the roller coaster with him. I knew being intimate was wrong and I want our relationship to be God honoring for our children. So I prayed and prayed and even though I know it is always a risk to take that out of the picture when it had started I stopped it. Things have been emotionally trying for a while because of the loss of his mom and his own demons. I don;t know where things sit I truly care and love him, of course I fear losing him. I know he cares deeply for me and I pray for him daily to have God heal his wounds too.

I know that;s a bigger part of what God wants me to do. All of these sit on my shoulders unknown every day. Im at a place where I feel like I’ve hit bottom but I am doing what I feel like God wants me to do. A rebellious son, no job, a broken relationship… I desperately need Jesus to step in and help. I want my story to be one that can witness to others because I know God is here. my prayer is he does miraculous things in all of these areas of my life.

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