Hi There,
My husband is an active alcoholic. Many, many ups and downs (mostly downs) over our 16 1/2 years. We have one miracle IVF little boy who is 2 1/2. I had hoped and hoped that he would finally have the motivation to stay sober with our wonderful son finally here, but that has not happened. My husband’s health is deteriorating and I feel very guilty that he is in such poor condition knowing in my heart I likely will have to separate. Because a marriage is one flesh, to even contemplate how to untangle this mess and have some separation is completely overwhelming. Lest you think I am exaggerating the situation, our son associates two words with his dad “Beer” (which has never come from my mouth…no idea how he knows this except he sees it…) and “Sleeping” (which is most of all he sees him do.) I literally do not know where to start/how to start with boundaries or with separating at this point in the chaos of every day so full (I work and go to school and my husband is officially retried due to disability.) I have tried and failed so many times over the years. It just seems hopeless to either set me and Milo free, or for this marriage to turn around so we all have good mental health and boundaries. I feel like I lose every time I have tried. I have prayed so much, and though I ‘know’ it is wrong, I battle thoughts (which makes it worse for the believer…) of feeling abandoned by God, amplifying the already terrible pain. I just need prayer. There is also so much conflicting teaching in the church about divorce, remarriage, carrying our cross, healthy boundaries and forgiveness…it is very hard to discern the right path. And since there are always blessings mixed in with the suffering, I have felt so conflicted in my conscience about divorcing, I can never get to a place of peace. Please pray for me to continue to trust God and not have self-pity and to love Him and for me to discern whether or not to persevere or leave.
Thank you,
Nancie
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