My only son us 40 yrs old. The first 20 years he was my pride and joy. He was in many sports and activities. He was an honour roll student. I was a single parent. My son is black and I am white. He was raised in a prominent dutch / german community. My family rejected me and Sean. His father in the USA never connected or helped in anyway. I had a good job with benefits..hence why I stayed in the community. We went to several churches but moved around trying to be accepted. It was not an easy life fir either of us. Often lonely. I believe it was equally harder I am sure for Sean. He went to college after he graduated for one year. He wanted to be a mechanic. He went with 2 other peers who were white. After a year of college they needed to find a place to apprentice. His peers got a place right to apprentice. Every time Sean tried…he would be only doing the misc jobs and a promise to have an apprentice but it never going anywhere. He was water baptized in his 19th year. 4 months after his baptism the whole pastorial team quit. He loved his youth leader and actually spent tonnes of time with them. They left and went on a mission trip for 6 month. That is when Sean threw up his hand and threw Christianity out the door. He changed quickly after that. He got into the wrong crowd. Drugs, alcohol, and crime became his lifestyle. He was on the streets…he was homeless and he was scary and out of control. I no longet knew who my son was. I could not get anyone to help me inter intervene. No e of his Christian peers or mine wanted to help. I just saw Sean spirally down. I knew he was being controlled by blue collar drug dealers and his addiction. He dabbles and portrays satanic stuff on fb. Even some porn. I had to block him on facebook and messenger. He has been harsh. band nasty towards me blaming me for the voids in his life. He has a daughter whom he loves but his common law ex left him when she was 2 as he was scary and very dark. She didn’t want that around her and her daughter. His ex has moved on and has a new and cleaner and healthier life. They have moved to another province, bought a house and have such a proper normal life. My son has not changed and is still angry and dark. He portrays hatred towards Christianity. We are Christian. My first and only marriage is to a Christian man. I have been married for 19 years. So much more.
Do l try to reach out to my son? His harsh words are so hurtful. I am 67 years old with a heart condition. I feel my time is borrowed. I miss and love my son. My husband does not want him around unless he is repentive and respectful.
I dont know what to do. I cry everyday. I think about Sean everyday. I feel guilty everyday as not being to be the family he needed and wanted. Sean feels that I ruined him trying to find a church to accept us. I never was on welfare. I worked 3 jobs to make ends meet. K participated in all his functions. He was i. Speedskating, baseball, soccer, youth…..it wasn’t always perfect. I suffered too…never dating or having much of an adult life to. His life could just be so much better. We have a lovely home.
I want to have a relationship with my son before I am too old .
Please help me know how to deal with this. I pray everyday.
There is so much more.
Sophie