God if you really exist I am challenging you to prove it to me. All you have given to me lately is trice. My sister killed herself. My father in law died I have been on furlough since December and they keep extending it. My daughter in law framed out said she hates me because I spoke up about her wanting me to watch the grandkid constantly for 12 hours a day without asking just having me pick him up at 7 am then me supposedly dropping him off at 4 then getting a text that says oh u need to drop him off at 9pm. I’m not home yet. Then on other days I cancelled my plans cuz she needed a sitter then she cAncels on me 5 minutes before we r supposed to pick up?! So she posts horrible things on Facebook. Talks horrible things about me.says she’s gonna break up with my son because of me and she hates me etc. I hate my life. Next now I’m walking my dog down the street. She poops. I bag it up and drop it in my neighbors trash which is on the street. She starts banging on the window as I walk walking by -by the way. I want even going to put it in her trash. I actually did t know what was going on at first. Then she just comes out screaming and swearing at me repeatedly standing in her yard yelling. I ignored her. He continued to yell. I jut continued to walk. My dog got upset and scared wouldn’t walk so we had to turn around and walk past her. She was still outside screaming and swearing at me. She wouldn’t stop so I called her an old cunt. She continued. Then while walking home a tiny dog from across a busy street barks at my dog so my pit I’ll barks back. The women give me a dirty look pick their dog up and walk by shaking their heads.
Now this is where he world is going. I hate people. I hate my life. I hare my neighbors. I am so upset I am lying in bed right now trying to quietly cry so I do t wake anyone up. I have been crying since before September when my sister decided to hang herself. My other sister is always pushing my parents round my younger brother also pushes my parents round. My sister and her husband are both drug addicts all three live with my parents. They fight and punch holes in the walls. My parents have fond of money and recently announced they are leaving their house to my brother because he is deaf and all of their money in. Artist go take care of the house. They have 6 kids. 5 are live. 2 are adopted. One is the deaf one who gets the house. I fucking hate these things in my life. I hate these things. Everyone always tells me all of their problems. No one very listens to mine. No. I do t want to go to a fucking counselor and pay someone to pretend to give a fuck bout what I’m dying. I just w at someone in my life to care besides my husband. I cannot take these outsiders pushing me o er the edge. Why is God testing me?! Yesterday after the woman verbally attacked me and the dog walkers shunned me I went home and tried to burn the palm I got from the food pantry. It only burned halfway. I declared that I’m all set. God has fucked me again Nd again. Why can’t he just show ME a little compassion?! Why does god shit on some people’s lives but grants other such wonderful things? Why does he give some people the easy way so they don’t have to struggle to buy food or to deal with suicidal drug addict-oh yeh I left out my sister AND husbands very frequent suicide attempts that have needed hospitalizations for-sisters and husbands ?!
Why has god made so many priests child milestones is another question I have. But that is for another time
I am asking for God to give me a sign that he exists. A GOOD sign. A BLESSING
NOT a blessing in disguise.
A blessing that I can see. I need to know that God is real. Or I will be done
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