Is God Angry With Me?

by Paulette ()

My heart is filled with so much pain. My oldest daughter has suffered a severe mental disorder. She was given the option to give her child to someone or he would be placed in foster care. I agreed to take him. It was later discovered that he had been abused. He had emotional issues and it was determined that he has Autism. I don’t have a job so I’m being told I can’t get legal custody of him. No one cared about this when he was being taken from my daughter. My daughter now wants him back and said she would institutionalize him because he has Autism and doesn’t need to be in civilized society. She lives in another state so therefore everything would need to be done through the state we reside. He has been living with me for most of his life. From 8 months to 5 years old then he lived with my daughter from 5 to 7 years old. He then came back to live with me. He will be nine in November. He needs services and there are some that he is refused because I don’t have legal custody. After having Covid my legs have severe pain and none of the doctors I see will listen to me. There are times I can barely walk. I have applied for jobs but nothing opens for me. My son is a student athlete away in college and I must constantly give him money for things he needs. He suffers from depression and feels bad when he needs anything. I have to guess when he needs things. My other daughter is in an unhealthy relationship and my 5 year old granddaughter refuses to go home so she stays with me. I am the person who is responsible for all their needs with no financial support from either daughter. My husband and I are separated because he had emotional problems after serving in Iraq and he refuses to get mental health counseling. He has decided to move on with his life but refuses a divorce. I pray. I fast. I go to church. I tithe. I praise and worship God. I ask for wisdom. I have cried out to God so many times and nothing seems to break for us. No doors seem to open. We were once a close family and now it feels like there is only my son, grandchildren and me. I am so discouraged. I can’t stop crying. I’m trying so hard not to give up. I am at the end of my rope. I don’t know where to turn. I wonder all the time did I do something that made God so angry that he took His hands off me.

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