I have been with a man, whom i adore, for almost 7 yeas. Throughout that time, our life has been a constant rollercoaster ride filled with drama and heartache, for one reason or another. I have left him on three occasions in the 7 years to live outside the home, as the abuse became to great to reside in the situation with our children (three each from previous marriages). We recently got back together again in February of this year after he had chosen to move to another state for 6 months.
I was very reluctant to take him back again, but he once again manipulated my emotions and my love right back into his arms. He made many promises that he had no intention of keeping. We sold our home and moved to a smaller one in April (which is what he has been begging to do for 3 years). Although i had never been happier in my life with him than I was from February – May, it all started to fall apart again in June.
Back on October 5th, i received an email from my husband where he discoloses to me that he has another woman in his life. That following Friday night, my husband did not come home, so by 4am on Saturday morning, after a sleepless and anxiety filled night, i got in the car with my dog and asked God to lead me to my husband truck – He did. I rang the doorbell and discoverd that this was a person whow me had been texting years earlier.
I also leared after that this affair started back in June when she came to him and asked him to do some work for her at her house (he is a contractor). So all of this time I thought we were starting a new life together, i had forgiven him for all of the past 6 years and believed that we were finally going to grow old and die together, he was having an affair. He left the house that evening and moved in with her and her children (and his 16 year old son). My new counselor has finally given me some answers and insight into the last emotinally traumatic 7 years of my life. My counselor believes that my husband has one of the most sever forms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and after doing hours and hours of research, there is no way of denying that this is exactly why our life has been the way is has.
Now here i am all alone to try and pick up the pieces of knowing that the last 7 years of my life was a lie and that the love i poured out to him and his family was never recieved nor could it ever be given back. I provided him with the narcissistic supply that he needed, which enabled him to keep coming back, but it was never out of love or committment that he came back. Not only do i have to face and deal with this, but now i have to face the fact that he has brought another woman into our lives who has been there for the last four months of our 8 months back together.
I also know and pray for this other woman and her family because if she does not figure him out before he gets his narcissistic hooks into her, her life and those of her children will never be the same again eihter. I love this man with all my heart and soul…i had figured him out, i had studied him, i know his likes and dislikes, i know him better than he knows himself, and i had commited to accepting all of that…but once again the joke was on me.
I need to somehow turn my heart, mind and soul off to this man, but he still has his hooks into me and continues to play emotional heart and mind games with me daily. I am struggling to find some financial peace as well in order for me to maintain and keep our house on my single income. Please pray for all of the parties involved.
God Bless!Return to Prayers for Strength and Guidance