I’m leaving any time now

by Flossy ()

Please pray God takes my life before I do. I’m in an overwhelming situation that everything points to it not being ok for me in the end. I’ve struggled with depression 20 years now and nothing works. I have an addiction to cope with the depression I got 5 years ago. I can’t afford the addiction and I can’t afford to sober up from the addiction because depression is a withdrawal symptom of the drug and depression is what made me turn to the drug to begin with. Double depression is not something I can handle. I can barely handle what I have. I’m about to break. I tried all I know to do. I have come to God many times and in many ways. I’m exhausted from trying to appear fine to prevent loved ones from suffering. No one knows how bad its gotten. I’ve heard it said, God will never give you more that you can handle but this is way more than I can deal with and it has been for a very long time now. I’m about to break. I heard nothing lasts forever but if God wanted to save me and heal me, He would have rescued me by now. I love God and I love my family and I love people. I don’t know why God would allow me to feel nothing but sorrow and sadness despite anything else in my life. It’s like I can’t switch on to a different emotion no matter what and my life is at risk because of it now. I don’t want to kill myself. I don’t have a plan. I know without a shadow of a doubt, I won’t be able to last more than another month here if nothing changes. God knows I’m not lying. It’s over. I’m done. I’ve done all I can. I’ve believed all I can. I’m barely hanging on. Please pray God either takes my life away or heals me. I don’t want to die by my own hand. Please have mercy on me.

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