Dear God,
I have nowhere left to turn. My situation is not a typical one and you’ll probably think I’m foolish to even ask. My ex girlfriend Chrystal broke up with me 6 days ago. We have actually only even known each other for one month. But in that one month, we grew close very fast. She lives 4 hours away from me so we couldn’t see each other as often as we liked. We only got to get together twice during that month. One of the times was planned. The other time was spur of the moment when I became sick and she came all this way to take care of me.
I know it sounds crazy because we haven’t known each other long, but I fell in love with her. We carried on like we have known each other for years. I knew I had made a mistake when I told her I loved her too soon. This must have scared her because I told her just days before she broke up with me. She said she wanted to take a step back and take it slow because things were moving too fast. I agreed. But like a lovesick fool, I made the mistake of pressuring her. I myself am an alcoholic and she is a recovering addict herself. She also sited those as her reasons for ending it. But her actions and words did not match. I know we moved fast but she drove 4 hours to come take care of me when I was sick, with hardly any notice or planning. Who would do that if they didn’t genuinely care for the person? I believe she did care and love was blossoming, but it happened so soon, that it scared her.
I feel terrible heartbreak now that she is gone and guilt that I made the mistake of pressuring her while in a drunken state. But surely, all of the short time we had together couldn’t have simply meant nothing. We had fun together, made love, held each other, the way any couple would. If you had seen us together, you wouldn’t have been able to distinguish us from any other loving couple. Then suddenly she stopped. Like a light switch just turned off. She won’t even talk to me now and I can’t say I blame her. Its my fault this happened. For now, I’m not contacting her because believe it or not, I’m not some creepy, obsessive, desperate, stalker and I know constantly trying to contact her would only reinforce the idea that I am and drive her further away. I love her enough to honor her wishes but my heart longs for her in the worst way.
I want her back so desperately. I’m lost without her and my heartbreak is unbearable. The heart wants what the heart wants. I can’t help the way I feel about her, no matter how foolish others may think it is based on time. Time shouldn’t matter so much when it comes to love. My grandparents got married after knowing each other only 7 weeks. They were married for 61 years. Is anyone bold enough to tell them their love isn’t real after only knowing each other a short time? I’m 37 years old and never felt this miserable. Its not like I’ve never been in love or been heartbroken before. But never like this that I can remember. Why is this so different and so much more painful to bear? Especially given the short amount of time. My brain is telling me I’m insane to feel this way. But my heart is telling me this one was different.
I’m sorry this is so long and probably sounds ridiculous. I’d do absolutely anything to try and influence her to change her mind, make her not be scared of her feelings for me, and show her that I love her and we can be happy together. This can’t all have been for nothing. This couldn’t have simply happened for no reason. If I must let her go, then with a broken heart, I will. I love her enough to let her go. Although that thought is unbearable. If only I could do something that could simply influence or persuade her, not manipulate or force her. I feel like she is The One. My soul mate, if such a thing even exists.
If you’ve read this far, thank you. I admit, I have had a turbulent relationship with you God. I’ve gone from belief to disbelief, back and forward again and again. But I am so heartbroken and hopeless right now, I have nowhere else to turn but to you God and beg for your mercy and to please reunite Chrystal and myself. Please.
Amen