Years ago I wrote and asked for God’s help. I heard from so many people who told me that they were praying for me and I was so touched by the response and I thanked all those who prayed for me.
I managed to hang on but at this point in time, I’ve lost all hope and I want to die. I’m disabled and for that I receive $700 a month from Canada Pension. My rent has just been raised to $927. As you can see that leaves me short in my rent alone. It doesn’t take into account ANY other expenses.
After the people from this site prayed for me, I got an idea that appeared right out of the blue. I realised that I could teach and tutor a variety of subjects including English as a Second Language.
Due to my disability, I was only able to do this part-time but I could choose my own hours. I wasn’t doing this illegally – CPP allows a person to make up to a certain amount of money per month without having to declare it. Doing this helped me both financially and mentally and spiritually.
I found that doing this helped me heal from so much mental pain that I thanked God every single day and all the people who without knowing me took the time to tell me that they cared and would pray for me.
I don’t want to bore you all with what’s happened to me since September but I’ve hung on as long as I can. I don’t think I’m able to live any more. I saw my doctor a couple of months ago for a check-up. Because my disability causes me so much physical pain I’m on extremely strong Opiates – a synthetic Heroin and another Morphine based med. for break-through pain. I don’t get any kind of “High” from these meds so there is no escape in taking them. They just dull the pain.
I had told my doctor about how I was feeling and she told me that at least she knew I wasn’t going to kill myself because I would have done it before now and that I certainly had the resources to do it (she meant the meds).
I thought in my head how totally wrong she was. I am on the verge of taking my own life. I have no money for food, a phone, internet, and the most simple of things like soap, toilet-paper (a little embarrassing but we all use it) or any kind of house-hold products. I have no money to take the transit. I have an old car but cannot afford the insurance. When I drove, gas didn’t cost much because I would go straight to work and come back.
I’m so sorry for boring anyone who may be reading this. I know how difficult life is for others. I just cannot hold on anymore. I have no family support and I’m all alone except of 2 old cats who have been with me for over 20 years now.
I suppose I’ll have to make some kind of arrangement for them but who will be nice enough to adopt 2 cats at their age? I will not be able to have them put down just because I’m going. What I’m hoping and begging is for God to hear my prayers and help me. I’m also begging anyone who may be reading this to please pray for me. The prayers worked for me before.
Do I dare ask for another miracle?