I need God to forgive me

by Maria ()

I lost my beloved partner 8/9/21 to stage 4 cancer
There were great good & bad times in our relationship mostly great & good. Seems like we’ve always swept our bad times under the rug(forgiven each other)
As the cancer started eating him alive & to see him suffering daily i chose to be by him thru out as did other family members on his side
What hurts me the most is that he is no longer here & i still cry anytime i express my feelings.
He was true to attending church daily until he wasn’t able to go anymore but his pastor came to him though
I’m not at all much of attendance to the house of God but I know I’m still forgiven right?
I deeply miss my partner dearly & he once said in a text message to me Once I’m gone you will be happy, which I knew then & now it is not true
Maybe his statement is for his sake because he dealt with a lot. Before during & after he found out of the cancer
There are some days I truly hurt for his absence.
I even lost a great job for being late the day after his services & I wish that I could get that back.
I truly believe though my beloved partner jimmy is no longer suffering. But now he leaves me suffering for his presence

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