I’ve lied to the man I love and he found out about these lies. I felt trapped and still do crying each day, following him day in and day out, losing weight, not truly smiling because of the lies I’ve told not only to him but to those around me that I love.
I’ve lied to the point that I placed that lie on my dying brothers name for fear of being exposed and left alone. Now there are no excuses I can provide, but the pain I love each day is as real as the lies I’ve told. This is a man that don’t know how to forgive so he would prefer to hold your mistakes over your head until he’s tired and goes out of he has not yet already and see other people himself.
When we first got started I want really ready for a commitment of any level and I was use to being me, but for some reason he made me feel afraid to tell him the truth about an innocent outing. I have never felt this way about anyone and so because of this I’ve lied for fear of losing him and of course it backfired and I’m now living in HELL. I caught him with multiple women, talking to multiple women, texting multiple as well sometimes in my presence. He makes sure we don’t address anything he had done or even what I know to be the truth as well. He has cursed me, called me out of my name, scolded me as if I was a child and told me that he loved me and another woman at the same time while I was chasing him. I know I should like a crazy woman for even staying, but love I mean true love make you deal with things you would never deal with under normal circumstances. I have never been in love in my life.
I have loved, but never in love. He is so upset with me right now that I’ve apologized till I’m blue in the face, but day to day is a struggle. He has placed a tracker on my phone to learn some of this stuff out. I am admitting that I did have sex during the time we were broken up, but I didn’t know no other way to get over him and it didn’t help it just made it worst. I need a piece of mind, to release the stress that I’m forcing on myself by continuing to stay even with him saying for me to leave. I believe that he really do love me he’s just afraid to trust me so he continues to tell himself he will never trust me again yet we sleep together each night. He really just got sous about me after months of me chasing him. I need a chance for forgiveness and the chance to show who I really am because he don’t really know me at all.
This is a deep connection that I don’t know how to let go and walk away to even see if he feels the same way about me. Please help and any positive advice is greatly appreciated. Please pray for my family, a stress free life, love and happiness. Thank you!