I need forgiveness.

by Jeanette ()

Hi, I am some what ashamed to be writing this, however, I need help. Desperately, I need help. Several months ago I became involved with a married man. I myself am also married. A group of us were on vacation at a beautiful location . Neither of our spouses came along. The affair began almost immediately upon our arrival. Over the next few months we thought God had brought us together. We are both divorcing our spouses and going to be together, forever. I miss my husband, Bill. I regret what I have done to Bill. My new found love, Carlton left his wife and they are in the process of divorce. I do not know how to tell Carlton that what we did was a huge mistake. That I want to return to Bill. I believe Carlton and I became caught up in our affair. We were selfish and didn’t think about what we were doing to ourselves and others. Honestly, if I had wanted to divorce Bill I would have done it years ago. That is the truth. God didn’t bring Carlton and I together. God’s hand was not in the making of this relationship. Carlton and I are both cheaters! How could either of us ever trust each other? I am sorry for hurting Bill. Bill and I have talked and he will take me back. Bill would NEVER hurt me, he loves me unconditionally. I do not know how to tell Carlton. I do not want to hurt Carlton. Deep down I believe he needs to stop his divorce proceedings and return to his wife. I would like the break up to be Carlton’s idea. I want him to say it is over. I would play the scene, crying, begging, etc. so Carlton would not be hurt. I do not want to talk about the situation with Carlton, it would be too ackward and uncomfortable for the two of us. Can you help me? Please, I want to be with Bill. I want to spend my remaining days with Bill. We are not young people. There is another problem, my sister Judy is best friends with Carlton. Judy and I are extremely close. This news will shock Judy. I do not want to hurt Judy either. I am trapped. Please, I want Carlton to go away. I want to go back to my life before Carlton. I am sorry and ashamed of the damage we have done. I am guilty of hurting people. People who did not deserve to be hurt. I know Carlton still loves his wife, he needs to return to her. We each need to return to our spouses and beg for forgiveness not only to them but to God as well. I do not want to have this conversation with Carlton. I want it all to just go away. I will deny. What can I do to help him see the light without hurt and drama? I realized I love Bill. I want Bill. I want Carlton to say to me, I need to go back and see if things will work between the wife and I. I will put on an upset show and beg for him not to go back. But I want out. I want Carlton to return to his wife. I want a friendly breakup. No hard feelings. I cannot and will not talk about this with Carlton. I am so ashamed of what we have done. Please God, help me to end this and soon. Let Carlton see he belongs with his wife as much as I belong with Bill. I love Bill. Please help me. God forgive us. Carlton and I could never trust each other, we are cheaters!

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