I have two that weigh heavily on my heart, my very loving son, Derek, and my almost 96 yr. old father who’s been living w/us for almost 4 yrs.

by Diane ()

I ‘feel’ my son (45 yrs. old) is coming around. I pray for Derek to accept Jesus Christ as his personal Savior and ‘feel’ and acknowledge the Holy Spirit within him. I Thank Jesus for His Blessings, I pray for the softening of my son’s heart, unblinding of his eyes and awakening of his spirit to the truth. Derek is so quick to forgive AND forget (which isn’t easy-the forgetting), he is always there for me or anyone who needs his help, he says, “I love you” to me so many times. I’ve prayed to The Holy Spirit to help me talk with Derek. Derek is very open to listening, he’s been using the word “Blessings” more often. To me, it feels as though he’s so very close to fully Accepting Jesus Christ. I’m 70 yrs. old and would love to know he has before God takes me home. He loves God. The 2nd is my dad. He was always the most wonderful father and I Thank God for the parents I was born to constantly. My father’s been living w/us for almost 4 years. He has dementia (remembers some things, though) and has congestive heart failure. Derek, my son, has been the only one to stay here if Craig and I have medical appointments and even for us to be able to get in a car together to get out. Derek has a new job and it’s more difficult. I’ve talked to a Catholic Priest in our area, and to my mother’s Greek Orthodox Priest (my mom passed away 10 yrs. ago, we had a wonderful relationship and she’s missed very much). My question that I’m struggling with: Craig and I are exhausted. We started projects at our home that we just can’t seem to finish. Craig is not yet retired (I am). He wakes at 4:30 AM daily, sponge bathes my dad, keeps a notebook on ‘how’ dad was during breakfast (my dad can ambulate to the Island). Craig actually puts on Dad’s external catheter (was a paramedic years ago). He won’t let me do the sponge bathing as it’s very hard to move him from side to side. Craig’s knows I can’t do that. I take over during the day. Craig’s lost weight and clearly is exhausted after the AM routine and has to go up to his office. He’s a Program Manager for a healthcare company (works from home). I won’t have caregivers here, we had 2 bad experiences and I’m concerned about COVID and their washing their hands before taking a dish or flatware from the drawer. I don’t know ‘how’ they live at their homes. My dad had to go to a Nursing Home/REHAB after a slight muscle pull & hospital stay. After 4-5 days there, he ended up with Total Heart Failure (they don’t stay under or even close to 2,000 mg. sodium, which we do). First the edema caused swelling of his legs & other negative changes. I’ve called so many Nursing Homes (none of them have the proper diet for CHF). We almost lost him. I feel selfish wanting time for Craig and I to be able to just ‘go out’. I don’t want to displease God knowing that my father won’t survive at a Nursing Home more than a week or two, yet am I displeasing God by not letting my dad go Home (he’s really not happy, he does laugh at times but I see him shaking his head back & forth as if to say, “What’s happened to me?”.) He doesn’t initiate conversation. Am I doing an injustice to my dad? I’ve talked w/him. I know he’s depressed ‘knowing’ he can’t ‘live’ the way he used to, and he does remember things from the past. Would I be sinning against God knowing what I know (he won’t have the very low sodium diet he needs in a Nursing Home). I’m struggling with this heavily and pray and try so hard to hear God’s answer. I ask the Holy Spirit to help me discern different opinions from family and friends (if they’re truly advising what God wants me to do – only God’s answer is what I need). Feel as though I’m ready to fall apart at times, and my dad’s a good man, very hypersensitive, though. Even trying to trim his nails or mustache. And we simply can’t even go for a long walk (Craig and me). Please pray for my son and for me to ‘hear’ God’s words. I believe I listen, just not sure. I’d so appreciate it. May God Bless each of you, I pray in The Name of Jesus Christ. Amen. Thank you! Diane.

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