I Feel Lost

by Marisa ()

Heavenly Father,

I am such a bundle of emotions, that it overwhelms me. I love my husband and we’ve been married for nearly a decade. We had an instant connection so strong that it startled us both. Now, I feel like he cares and loves me, but it’s not the same or greater than it used to be. Maybe I’ve put too much pressure on him and us, because I know I do that to myself. Anyways, he has a female friend at work and for the last year, or what honestly feels like forever, he has done everything in his power to keep their communication happening, at my expense. I have cried, begged, demanded, prayed, pleaded, and given an ultimatum, all for him to stop this. It’s not that I don’t want him to have friends or get along with people, but I have been extremely clear and vulnerable about how threatened and hurt this has all made me feel to no avail. He tells me excuses for why it hasn’t stopped and tells me what I want to hear about it stopping soon, but I don’t believe him anymore. My trust in him has become….. Less than it should be. It’s gone on way too long and I feel crippling doubt, resentment, hatred, jealousy, worthlessness, and anxiety about all of it. I never want to consider divorce as an option, but I can’t be the only one trying here. I’m stuck at home all the time and never once have I sought out friendship or any other relationship, in the almost 4 years I’ve been a homemaker, let alone our entire relationship. I have no children, even though I really want at least one, because he’s never been “ready” enough, but he keeps promising me one day. He is the one person I love this strongly and we’re so perfect together almost all the time, but I really don’t know what to do, Lord! If the shoe were on the other foot, I wouldn’t have hesitated to block this threatening person and change my number for him, so why can’t he do that for me? I’m sorry for rambling. I’m just on the brink here and I need help. Amen.

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