Help me heal

by GLORIA ()

I lost my husband 5 years ago and have been struggling with depression to the point I try to plan when and how I want to go. The love for my kids and family always manages to keep me from doing it. I’m very lonely and miss my husband terribly. We were married 48 years. My grandson whom we raised has pretty much abandoned me. He doesn’t call, not even for my birthday or Mother’s Day I practically raised him alone since my son (his father) was not around very much and my my husband was a firefighter and gone quite a bit. He was around a year old when we got him. His mother just gave him to us and left town. I worked full time and changed my personal life to focus on raising him the very best I could. It wasn’t easy, but I didn’t want him to suffer. Now I feel he has just abandoned me. I had to make a lot of decisions when he was growing up, I had to say no to him when necessary to keep him safe and out of trouble, away from bad influences. My husband never wanted to be the “bad” guy that said no, so it always fell on me to do the right thing. I talked to him until I was just too tired to care at times. But I never let go, I kept my grandson from many “mistakes” in life he would have regretted and I did it single handed. I love my grandson, he is now married and has a child. She is almost 2years old and he has brought her over maybe 5 times since she was born. I don’t know why he is acting this way, I pray he comes to his senses. He a Christian and works at his church for his pastor. He loves God and they pray every day and follows his religion so this confuses me even more. I don’t understand how someone can be so religious and yet forget who was there for him when his mother abandoned him. I was the one whose life changed completely, my husband went to work as usual my son didn’t change anything in his life either. I had my job, but everything else changed for me but I was glad to do it. I have never regretted what I did or how my life changed. I love my grandson and kids but I feel very hurt by his treatment towards me. I could be wrong but I don’t think I deserve this. Sometimes I blame my husband and son for not helping me raise him. I did what I felt was best and under tremendous stress at the time. I’m sure I made some wrong decisions at times but I did the best I could under the circumstances. He is a good person so I don’t understand why he treats me like this. Please pray for us. Thank you. God bless.

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