Dear Lord, it is me again. Now more than ever,I am immensly troubled! Not feeling heard, understood,worthy of anything or even loved. Do you care? Can you hear me?What is your plan? I am tired of everything,I am trying to search for you and even so,it doesnt even feel remotely close. Today on my third day of fasting, I am feeling drifted even further from you! Yesterday and bedofe was better. I am tired of trying! Now it feels like i am pretending with everything! I am anxious like never before. I am questioning my heart, soul,faith,my whole essence of being! I know you are good to me and me being alive today alone is quite a proof of your love. But you have also left me dry in the time of need. Long ago in a simillar situation, i waited for you to show up and you did not, and again and again I asked you more on the same issue to come through you did not. It ended in shame. You bless me and then leave me out to dry. Why dont you complete your blessings? It sometimes feels like it was all in my head and it wasnt you, tha makes me feel crazy. I wonder, if it was really you would you only allow a goodthing only halfway? Are you that God who does that? I conclude it wasnt you for if it were you, you would have fullfill and come through for the whole blessing. Isnt it so? Now i am here again in the same situation that i asked you not to put me again but here we are! Despite praying and fasting and you know my heart, i am trying to impress you, am i doing it wrong? How do I do it right to catch your attention? I am tired of trying! Have mercy on me, have pity on me! I dont want to be embarassed again. Help me out Lord. Please hear me and save me from this. The past 5 years have not been easy at all! For me and my family. Is this it for us? I for one am not measuring up at all to deserve to be called your child, but please can you reconsider? I am desperately writing on the internet hoping that may be a stranger will pettition for me and you will hear. May be with their faith they can lift me up in prayer for you to hear and help out. I am tired, I cant go on feeling this way. Please help me Lord, be kind to me and my family. Please, I need you to.
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