For some years now I have misunderstood that my salvation came through grace and faith. I have struggled with the fear of losing it, so I began to work by the Holy Spirit to sustain God’s presence in my life. My foundation on my ability to walk with God has collapsed and I feel a sentence within myself that it is impossible to restore my salvation. I feel oppression on every turn and all of my works fail me. It feels impossible to restore my life to a place of trust in Him, for even when I trust him, my heart is full of crooked agreements that condemn me and drain all of my trust. I have hoped that there is nothing impossible for God, but I don’t know how He can redeem something that is, by confusion, rejecting him.
I desire to be set up on a rock where my faith is in him for my salvation and my personal growth. I desire a peace that lasts, and a heart that is at rest in confidence that I am in him. I desire that he forgive my wayward agreements I’ve made inside so that I will see his truth take root in my life. I am hoping that I have not disqualified myself, but that God can make a way for me. I struggle at times with even the desire to follow Him. I am weary in hoping because my way seems to be of no avail. Please pray that God will make my crooked ways straight and that I will know with confidence, the salvation that God accomplished for all people on the cross.