Feelings of pure emptiness

by Empty (Columbus OH)

I have been in a platonic relationship with a man for the last three years. From day one it seems (now looking back) that he could never make up his mind on how he felt about me. He was always generous, kind and thoughtful. He took me to meet his parents and extended family. For the last three years I have spent holidays with he and his family.

We traveled all over the state on weekends and even to Puerto Rico to visit his extended family. Two years ago, I moved in with him (still platonic). Deep down in my heart I hoped he truly cared for me and that maybe this would turn into the love and relationship I so wanted with him.

Here we two years later and I am moving out. It seems this arrangement isnt working. It has been a difficult two years in light of the fact that I only learned to love him more and more from a distance, never having had the opportunity to say what I felt. But worse than anything else, we have never sat and seriously talked about our feelings for each. Even though he is has always been kind to me I have tried never to make it anything more than it was in my mind/heart. He has always been a perfect gentleman and always had respect for me.

Now its time for me to move on, but how do you walk away from someone you love so deeply. I am dying inside, I feel empty, I feel so sad and overwhelmed at the thought of going on without him. This week I will be looking for a new apartment, but I ache at the thought of leaving him after three years. He is not a talker and avoids confrontation of any kind. I really dont know what hed say if I came to him with this problem. His family has always been confused by our relationship, they somehow thought we were involved, but my friend has always made it clear to anyone that we are just friends.

But just like them, I am confused cause he has always acted out so differently. Please pray for my broken heart. Please pray that God will protect and guide me from the darkness and emptiness I feel today. I feel like I have lost a part of me and I cant seem to find the will to go on. Please pray for me.